Andy Schleck: Best Bike Racer in the Universe

Ushi Interviews Frandy

2011-10-25T02:30:00.000-07:00

Too Funny!

Video Contest GP Gloucester

2011-10-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ted King demonstrates his awesome Cyclocross Form.

Check out his "How-To Guide: Prepare for and Ride Cyclocross."

Fer real- want your opinion. Whose video is better?

1. My awesome, shaky video of Liquigas Ted King @iamtedking (twitter handle) grabbing beers and snatching up dollar bills on the stairs.

OR:

2. East Coast Velo's (ECV) Overproduced slide show with kind of lame music. Put on Your Sailing Shoes........For God's sake?

Please vote up top. Whose video is better? Mine or ECS's?

Thank you for your patronage of Andy Schleck Best Bike Racer in the Universe.

Public Service Announcement

2011-08-21T04:10:00.000-07:00

This is your leg..........

This is George Hincapie's leg on drugs..........

Any questions??????????? Disclaimer: We are not saying that Big George is currently on or using any prohibited, performance enhancing substances, blood doping, or eating Spanish beef. Just that maybe in the past he might have been slipped a little sumpin' sumpin' while at parties in a certain Texan's apartment. Ask Tyler Hamilton. Hindsight is 20/20 ain't it?

PS:Mucho congratulations to Team Leopard Trek on the TTT win in the Vuelta yesterday!

Cadel- Afraid of thunder, and Schlecks

2011-08-16T04:46:00.000-07:00

Even with Carbon Oakleys this is one ugly dood!

OK folks, let me preface this with the following: Cadel won the Tour fair and square, he did a great job and he definitely earned it. There..... now onto business.

Cadel is most definitely not happy with BMC's recent acquisition, Thor Husholvd. Cadel Evans Warns Thor Hushovd to SHOVE OFF!!!!!!! I thought I had begun to see the "kinder, gentler" Cadel in the 2011 Tour. Not to be. His irritating paranoia and grating personality has come to the forefront yet again. You'd think he'd like a teammate to wear yellow for a while. Takes the pressure of those pre/post race interviews (where he is always sooooo awkward- and sometimes violent) off of the squeaky voiced Aussie dingo eating baby. But noooooooooooo, Cadel gets all ramped up about having Thor on the team. See below for part one of an EXCLUSIVE series of interviews that Andy Schleck Best Bike Racer in the Universe Blog has obtained with little Cuddles.

I hadn't realized the tension between Mr. Shaved Sideburns Vaughters and The God of Thunder was building ever since 2011 Paris Roubaix when Thor was stuck in the group with Fabulous Cancellara, behind Johan Van Summeren; and JV (understandably) wouldn't let Thor chase his teammate down. Bad blood and grudges have apparently been a factor between Thor and the Argyle's fearless leader ever since.

Back to Cadel-- The Herald Sun says, "Evans' uncompromising attitude relates to his troubled stint at Belgian team Lotto, where the support was split between him and fellow Australian Robbie McEwen, a superstar sprinter who won 12 stages of the Tour. Eventually the situation became untenable and both left the team within a year of each other."

Translated that says-- Cadel became unbearable for everyone remotely related to him within Team Lotto and they told him to bugger off or they would stick him in the luggage compartment of the Team bus.

My point here is this: GET OVER IT CADEL YOU BIG CRYBABY!

On to the USA Pro Cycling Challenge-- Cadel is downplaying what he might be able to do at this particular race. He's blaming it on alcohol (I mean altitude,) travel and fact that both Schleckettes will be there. See it's like this; altitude does not effect the best bike racer in the universe. Andy can ride in zero gravity so the uphill Time Trial at USAPCC is definitely going to work in his favor. (He really does need to work on his celestial TT skills though.)

EXTRA EXTRA!!!! ANDY SCHLECK BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE BLOG GETS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CADEL EVANS RE: THOR, SCHLECKS, AND CUTTING OFF HEADS.

PART ONE OF..............

CLICK HERE FOR INTERVIEW! Yes we know that Cadel sounds like a badly played Monty Python character. It is what it is.

Best Bike Racer in Universe.....not necessarily in France

2011-07-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

Above: Just a quick reminder of "old Cadel" He still needs someone to shave that dern unibrow.

Above: the Schleck brothers tower over the squeaky voiced Aussie despite the lower steps on the podium. This is attributed to the fact that while being raised by wild dingoes in the outback; Cadel survived on babies stolen from Ayers Rock and vegemite sandwiches; stunting his physical growth and leaving him woefully unprepared for any kind of human interaction.

First and foremost I would like to emphasize that this blog has always been and will always maintain that Andy Schleck IS the best bike racer in the “universe.” Being the best celestial cyclist does not necessarily mean that one is automatically the best cyclist in say…….France………..in........ for example, …….the first three weeks of July. That being said; let's examine this year's le Tour.

So, Cuddles rides into gay Paris on his black BMC bike. NOT the pretty yellow bike that most NORMAL maillot jaunes use as their primary ride while donning yellow. It's been said the reason was that Cadel was superstitious and wanted to keep using the bike he pedaled through most of the Tour. There are several questions I have about this so called "superstition."

First of all Cadel rides for BMC, a Swiss company. Now when was the last time you ever heard of anything of quality made in Switzerland????? Oh yeah besides those watches and knives. Here's what I say, and remember all that I post is based on absolutely rock solid non-facts and wild suppositions. BMC stands for BICYCLE MOTOR COMBINATION!!!!! Thus, of course Cadel wants to keep using the same machine. It served him well except for that one time on the Galibier day where the mechanics forgot to gas it up. He tried to pretend his wheel was out of true, but really..............? Also, how easy would it be for the team car to to pass up bottles of petrol with unsuspecting refs thinking said bottles were full of water???????

Riders near Cadel in the peloton had been complaining for weeks about the fumes, which were first attributed to the camera motos. When that avenue had been examined and dismissed, Cadel used a clever subterfuge. He claimed that his nerves had given him a bad case of the farts. Think about it........Cadel is a known wheel sucker......he uses this to his advantage by telling other riders he's doing it as a courtesy because "CRIKEY You do NOT want to smell that, mate!"

Above: AWKWARD!

Did you happen to notice how Cadel attacked Andy on the podium? What's up with that????? Let's not forget Cadel's violent nature that first came to public light in the 2008 Tour de France where among other things he : attacked a cameraman, elbowed a kid who just wanted to pet his lion, and chucked his helmet at a journalist. Not to mention the famous "Don't touch me!" incident below.

Above: Andy Schleck 2004 Tour of Georgia.

The year I learned about him and his universal bike riding!

Look at how cute and likable he is!

Above: Andy powers up Galibier

Some say Andy is destined to be the new Joop Zoetemelk; who came in 2nd in the TdF like a zillion times and won it one time. To you people I say this: "I BLOW MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!!" This Luxembourgish Leopard is only 26 years old while cuddles is 34. Cadel is officially, you heard it here first, THE NEW JOOP. Here's the deal...........

Andy is a genuinely likable guy. Cadel.......well.....he's just not. Andy decided in his warm heart and his stomach full of anger to give this year's tour to the prickly Aussie knowing full well that 1) Cadel needed this one win to keep him from abusing fans, reporters etc. and winding up either in jail or the loony bin. And 2) because Andy knows that he will win next year, the year after that, the year after that ad infinitum. Period. End of story.

All kidding aside. Chapeau Cadel. You rode a good race and finally had a decent team to work with. BUT don't think you will ever win again. Andy Schleck will win the next EIGHT TdFs and will break Sir Lancelot's record.

Done.

Best TdF Stream

2011-07-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

Live streaming - 4J1fzFFW39JImtK

This is the best English TdF Stream I have found. Go go go Garmin and Leey-o-pard Trek!

Igor "Sleestak" Anton takes Zoncolan

2011-05-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or did Euskatel's Igor Anton look suspiciously like a Sleestak from "Land of the Lost?" If he is indeed an alien, can he legally ride in a grand tour? Surprised he did so well in the sun as sleestak's typically like boggy, wet, foggy climes.

Giro D'Italia Stage 3---Cursed

2011-05-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

Weylandt had recently joined the Leopard Trek Luxembourg squad founded by Andy and Frank Schleck (among others)

In light of today's tragedy; Wouter Weylandt's of Leopard Trek's loss of life- I'd like to examine the history of Giro D'Italia and specifically Stage 3.

Anyone who saw the live video of Weylandt's crash got that sick feeling in their stomach. The vids were out on youtube for a bit, but were quickly taken down. I for one am glad, because the images were too graphic to be out there for the public, especially considering he has his first child on the way and leaves behind a heartbroken girlfriend, a child who will never know its father, and a devastated team.

Unfortunately I saw the images of Weylandt immediately after the crash on Universal Sports. It was pretty obvious that Wouter was dead at the scene. The folks in charge of the race did not release any details. I am guessing because they were fearful that news of a fatal crash may cause anxiety and result in more crashes on the twisty, technical descents of the final kilometers.

Apparently, from what I have been able to surmise; as Weylandt was in the descent he looked over his left shoulder. Typically a cyclist will tend to drift towardsthe side he is looking- in this case left. On the left were barriers. Weylandt must have clipped a barrier and then his velocity and trajectory sent him flying into what looked like a cliff face/ rock face on the right.

The video I saw showed a rider sprawled motionless on the ground. Wouter's arms and legs were in positions that are not humanly possible. When the camera focused on his face and head I knew it was a fatal crash. His helmet appeared to be embedded into the front of his skull and his face was an unrecognizable, obviously severely broken and traumatized mess. Literally his facial features were not going to be repairable, let alone survivable.

They showed another shot from the heli where Giro Doctors were giving him CPR. But, as one Giro doctor says, "there was nothing we could do for him."

My heartfelt condolences go out to Weyland't family, team and unborn child. The man was 26-years-old and ironically won the 2010 stage 3 of the Giro D'Italia.

Stage 3 of the Giro has also been unlucky if not fatal for other pro cyclists. Christian VandeVelde of Garmin Cervelo crashed out of the third day of the Giro in both 2009 and 2010. This year he decided not to tempt fate and is home in Chicago right now. His hopes are for the TdF. Smart move.

Cyclists who have died in the Giro D'Italia

1952- Orfeo Ponsin RIP

1976 -Juan Manuel Santisteban RIP

1986- Emilio Ravasio RIP

2011- Wouter Weylandt RIP

The race coordinators knew the course was extremely technical and probably anticipated crash(es). Not that I ever could- but you could not pay me enough money to ride the Giro D'Italia. Its organizers do not seem to be concerned enough (in my opinion) about rider safety. Yes, we all want to see a good race, but no one likes seeing riders on the ground with broken bones, broken bikes, or dead.

I imagine the peloton will have some type of memorial during today's stage. In the meantime- Giro coordinators- maybe you want to rethink the unnecessary risks you put the riders in.

RIP Wouter Weylandt

Lance Armstrong does drugs.....DUH!

2011-01-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

"Everybody from the 'hood knows who does drugs........CRACKHEADS!"

This is Flippin' Hilarious!

SRAM the Bloopers

2010-11-22T02:37:00.000-08:00

LMAO! All my faves being silly!

SRAM - The Bloopers from Jim Fryer/BrakeThrough Media on Vimeo.

USGP Fort Collins Costume Race

2010-11-15T02:09:00.000-08:00

Flippin' Hilarious! I love the "39ers!" The gorilla is totally wheel sucking on the bunny!

Visit cyclingdirt.org for more Videos

West Hill Shop 20th Annual

2010-11-14T14:19:00.000-08:00

Yes- 2010 marked the 20th annual West Hill Shop Cyclocross Race in lovely Putney, VT. A good time was had by all- except for the dood who I caught (for the 2nd year in a row crashing on the barriers, heh!) Jon finished 5th in a field of about 20. Domnarski took 2nd.

*side note- some of these doods practice a seriously funny ballet kind of move going over the barriers! And they are some ugly ass ballerinas.

Richard Fries Best Lines

2010-11-13T14:36:00.000-08:00

A lot of you overseas folks might not know Richard Fries. He's kind of a big deal here in USA cycling. Richard announces all the big events and many of the little ones. He's also a really nice guy (and pretty flippin' hilarious.) Colt of CyclingDirt got Richard to share a few of his best lines here.

BTW- watching USGP Boulder right now. Thanks to Colt- I can watch it in my living room. Never thought I'd see the day. Jamey Driscoll is on fire! AND Richard Fries is standing in the middle of the fly-over announcing- He's awesome! Uh Oh Geoff Kabush is going for it!

Visit cyclingdirt.org for more Videos

Today's Cyclocross is for GIRLIE MEN!

2010-10-25T15:23:00.001-07:00

LMAO! The best part is when they chuck their bikes as far as they can across this really deep river- jump down the like 6 foot bank, retrieve bike, and scramble up other side's 6 foot bank! Check out the dood who chucks his bike and almost boinks another guy who is across the river.

The vid's title says 1950 Cyclocross Race, but the commentator says it's 1960. Either way, it's a far cry from today's namby pamby boys!

Just kidding Crossers. I love ya! And I know that if you're not puking at the end of a race you didn't go hard enough!

Gloucester Money Grab

2010-10-17T04:01:00.000-07:00

Not all Pro Cyclists can count on that big purse at the end of the day. In fact, many can't even count on having a clean skinsuit at the beginning of the day. Thus, The Gloucester Money Grab. The promoters had conveniently set the Great Brewers Beer Tent right next to the barriers. Seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess. So, all these drunk fans were throwing down greenbacks at the top of the barriers to see if any of the pro guys would go for it.

The big guns- Tim Johnson, Jeremy Powers, Ryan Trebon and Jamey Driscoll couldn't be bothered of course. with $2,500 going 10 deep a fiver doesn't seem like much. However.............the end of the pack were grabbing those bucks like pole dancers. It was awesome!

Expowheelman Go To Grand Prix of Gloucester 2010

2010-10-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

The Boys did great in Glostah this past weekend. On Sunday, Jon placed 8th in a field of 98 45+ Masters 1-3. Keith placed 12 35+ Masters 1-3 ( He was right in there with not one, not two, but THREE National Champions- names like Johnny Bold and Keven Hynes. Cliffy (The Big Red Dog) Kenyon placed 17th 35+ Masters 1-3. Davey the Dop Hildebrand placed 25th in 35+ Masters 1-3. I believe their field was 125. GO EXPOWHEELMEN!

2010 Grand Prix of Gloucester UCI Elite Men

2010-10-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

So here's my tribute to the UCI Pro Elite Men at GP Gloucester 10-2 and 10-3. Awesome Weekend! Great to see Nikki Cyp ! Thanks for letting me use your fantabulous photos!

Cannondale Cyclocross World swept the weekend. 1-2 on day one. 1-2-3 on day two. Go J-Pow!

Music- Apollo 440

Stop the Rock

Photography- Nikki Cyp

Shaky Video- Tilly Tarbox

Next year @sansenmag has to come out.

Green Mountain Cyclocross 2010

2010-09-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

Jon, Cliff and Dave's awesome adventure.

"This just in...."

2010-09-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

So the rumor mill cranks away with a new report that Fabulous Cancellara will be joining the Brothers Schleck on the new Team Lux - which has yet to reveal a major sponsor.

THIS JUST IN: Fabian Cancellara has announced that in addition to moving on from Saxo Bank and Bjarne Riis, in order to sign with the Schleck brothers' Luxembourgian team with "as yet unnamed sponsor", he will be bringing his own mechanic, technical advisor, and soigneur staff.

Cancellara's personal mechanic will be one James Watt, a little-known Scottish inventor, entrepreneur, and "mechanical genius", according to multiple sources.

Technical advisor to the Swiss world TT champion will be Michael Faraday, a former lab assistant in London turned scientist, with a CV showing several major accomplishments, including something called "electrical induction", which is said to have paved the way for the generator and electric motor.

The soigneur staff for the fabulous Swiss will be overseen by Canadian doctor Anthony Galea. Galea, known for providing unspecified assistance to Tiger Woods, Alex Rodriguez, and other accomplished athletes in North America, will be plying his trade primarily in Europe starting with his involvement with Cancellara.

Rumors that the primary team sponsor is to be General Electric are unconfirmed at this time.

JK- Fabulous we love you!

Who is telling the truth?

2010-09-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

Andy Schleck and Stuart O’Grady Were Very Drunk | CyclingFan.net

Besides "The Truth," that is.

2 beers each? Or very drunk? Your opinions fangirls?

Are you kidding me?

2010-09-07T15:12:00.000-07:00

So Andy and Stewey were ejected from the 2010 Vuelta today because they had a little drinkie last night.

C'mon Uncle Bjarne! This is sooooo an example of sour grapes on your part. "If you're not going to play on my team any more then you can take your bike and go home!" Sounds like my 8th graders.

Anyhow, whatever..... WE all KNOW that Andy Schleck is the BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE!!! Team Lux will kick Saxo's (or sunstrand or whatever the heck you are next year) mama's butt!

And now that Fabulous is possibly up for grabs at the discounted price of 3 mil- you are hit Bjarne. And you know it.

NAH NAH NAH nanana! :P

PS Barscott- you are just weird- and yes I know that it takes one to know one.

Garmin Cervelo?????

2010-08-30T13:19:00.001-07:00

Print out the pic above and start shooting darts to decide who will "Transition" to Garmin.

I love the Argyles- just can't picture Thor wearing it. He's more of a basic black kind of sprinter.

So the Argyles are going to merge with the Cervelos, eh? Yes Cervelo has a Woman's squad. Whoop de doo. Only reason (IMHO) why Cervelo couldn't fly on their own is because all they sell are bikes. They needed to sell bike chachka to be a viable operation. Gone are the days when pro tour teams are sponsored by...well...bike companies.

You know Tyler Farrar spit POM juice all over himself when he heard the god of thunder was going to be rumbling in his direction. Here's what creepy sideburn-hipster glasses-turtle neck wearing JV says. “I’ve spoken with Tyler about it. At the end of the day I think they are different types of sprinters,”

Who will get the ax on each team?

Here are my pics for riders who will be looking for new teams:

Garmin

Danny Pate- bye bye Mr. I can't decide on a Twitter Name guy!
Fredrik Kassiakoff- who?
Kirk Carlson- He's a New England boy, so I hate to see him go, but go he will.
Christian Meier- Sorry dood if your one goal this season was "Season Goals: Attempt to set the team record for most bottles transported for team car in one go; overall bottles hauled for the season" then you gots to go!
Matt Wilson- what have you done since 2004, my dear?

From what I hear it's a go that Heinrich Haussler and The God of Thunder will be rolling Argyle in 2011. We all know Sastre has other plans. Riders I'd like to see in the Armade include: Theo Bos, Davide Appolonio, Dan Lloyd (I like him) Ted King, and Dominique Rollin. That's just my wish list. As with all posts to this blog rest assured nothing is based on fact or research.

Schleck Says Contador Signing Was No Surprise | Cyclingnews.com

2010-08-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

Schleck Says Contador Signing Was No Surprise | Cyclingnews.com

Who Knew Contador was marrying Riis? I give the marriage 11 months. AND I will want my present back if it doesn't, in fact, last at least one year! It's proper etiquette FFS! Looking forward to Vuelta start tomorrow. Glad VDV is back in action. Even though because of him I now have "Send in the Clowns" playing over and over in my head. Don't ask. Long story. Just hope you never get put on hold by Garmin if you have a problem with your 705.

So Frankie will be riding for GC with Andy's support, eh?

Vuelta 2010!

2010-08-13T12:48:00.001-07:00

The final Grand Tour of 2010 is upon us and let me tell you, folks, it's a star studded cast of characters! Come Back kids, Schlecks, Manxmouth, Smiley Menchov and more!

Very stoked that Frandy will be back in action with both Schlecksters on the Roster for SexyBank. The last hurrah before the boys leave the gentle nurturing arms of uncle Bjarne and strike out on their own.

Alas, no Valverde to try to go for a two-fer. Sorry Alejandro, you'll have to settle for the torture of listening to a disco remix of Lady Gaga sing your song over and over while looking at a picture of her without makeup.

This is the sentence Pat McQuaid has decided upon for the entire August 28-September 19 duration of the Vuelta. McQuaid also says that Armstrong will get no preferential treatment either, except for continuing to have Phil and Paul as personal servants, free cheeseburgers for life, and free advertising at any UCI event in the world.

Come Back kids Christian Vande Velde and Tyler Farrar will be looking to make up for their crashbandons of both the Giro and le Tour. Poor VDV he's had a hell of a season. No crashes dood, no crashes. Let's hope that Tyler (surfer-dood Farrah) will come back with some spring in his step and will crush the Mouth from Mann in any and all sprints. If not Tyler, let's hope that Thor (the god of thunder) will continue to keep Markie Mark in his proper place as the fastest man in the world (who can't win Sprinter's Jerseys in Grand Tours to save his life. hee hee)

Vladimir (no mullet) Karpets will be riding for Katusha (gadzundheit) We'll see if he has decided to regrow the golden fleece of his mullet. Off topic here- but does anyone else think Linus Gerdeman looks like a girl?

I could be wrong, but it looks to be a Cuddles free Vuelta as I don't see BMC on the provisional roster. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for small favors.

I'm keeping my eyes and ears peeled for more news on Schleck Cycling. I'm thinking emo Thomas Lovqvist would a nice addition to the team, eh?

'nuff said

Schleck Cycling 2011

2010-08-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

Doesn't Andy look pissed? No wonder he's striking on his own - or at least with Frank

The Schleckster Train is ready to roll! I really hope the new kits are pretty.

So let's start to break it down. Contador is "replacing" Andy Schleck at Saxo/Sungard/Bjarne Riis Cycling. Funny since one of the reasons for his exodus from Astana were eqipment malfunction- anyone remember CHAINGATE? Frandy -for those of you not in the know- the brothers are actually one force against all of the evil entities in the peloton like emaciated chicken boy TradeMark Sansen.

As those of you who occasionally read this blog you know that my sources are impickidable and entirely fi(a)ctional and usually based on nothing more than the ether in which such chatter spreads (sorry CIA hope you don't pick this up by mistake- my bad if you do) over the interweb (which was invented by Al Gore) Just to really confuse you- and to verify my complete sanity-check out the UFO that was in my house. a while back.

Onto the future of Schleck Cycling. It started out as a thought, and You know, if

one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and

they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,

they may think they're both faqqots and they won't take either of them.

And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in

singin a bar of Schleck Cycling and walking out. They may think it's an

organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said

fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Schleck Cycling and

walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

(adapted from Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie)

Now we can call it the Luxembourg Team, but we all know it's really the Frandy team. So far the "Schleck project has remained wrapped in mystery." (Andrew Hood) Now on to speculation as to who will follow the dynamic Luxembourgish duo onto the new pro tour team. Hood predicts that these Pelotoneers will follow the Schlecks:

DS Kim Andersen
Manager Brian Nygaard
Jacob Flugelhorn
Jensie FA Voigt
Stewie O'Grady
Laurent Diddler
LL Cool Sanchez
David Arroyo

Reliable sources say that Fabulous Cancellara and the Sorenson twins will not follow the Schlecks. I beg to differ. I'm betting fabulous will follow his twig arm boys from Lux. I'm also betting that anyone on a team that ain't paying or is making them wash their own kits or some such nonsense might want to get in line for the Schleck-O-Rama.

On another note: Bjarne Riis thinks Rasmussin deserves a chance. So look for a fabulous return of the chicken! Think Uncle Bjarne would be brave enough to give Chicken man a chance on HIS team? SMH- I doubt it.

Anywho- looking for your thoughts on a nice deep bench for Schleck Cycling AKA Team Luxembourg

Give me your realistic, and your most far-fetched line-up for the new Frandy Team!

Oh yeah Great job to Dan Martin on Tour of dnaloP!! Go Garmin Transitions/Slipstream!

This has nothing to do with Andy, but it does have to do with TOCatskills

2010-08-02T12:24:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP!!!!! This incredibly scary incident happened during the Cat 4 race at last week's Tour of the Catskills here in New England.

First of all; why the hell were horses on the damn course????? SMH!

Second of all; is the dood who got knocked into the ditch by the freaked out horse OK?

Third of all; what's up with the dood in the Kessena kit at 41 seconds who just takes off? City boy..pfft!

Fourth of all; why are the horse riders wearing cowboy hats? Let me remind you WE'RE IN NEW ENGLAND NOT TEXAS!!!!!

Fifth of all; did the peloton just take off and leave that poor dood in the ditch with a horse hoof imprinted on his helmet?

Sixth of all; Where were the damn officials????? Where the damn Marshalls?

Seventh of all; I wonder how far back that was in the field? And which field it was, A or B? Because we know a dood, Dennis Demarais, who got 18th in cat 4 and he didn't say nothin' bout no horses attacking the peloton.

8th of all; I just noticed the dood on the left who totally got trampled by the equine invasion! Jumpin' Jehozafat! I was all worried about the dood who got bumped by the horses butt into the ditch on the right side. The dood on the left looks like he could have sustained more damage.

This is just really bizarre.

Note to Race Organizers (and horseback riders)- When planning a major bike race or a leisurely horseback ride- check to see if #insertbikeracenamehere or #inserthorsebackride here is taking place on the same roads at the same time.

For what it's worth Freaky Floyd Landis (aka Lloyd Flanders) came in 11th in the pro race. After seeing the pros struggling up Devil's Kitchen Jon is glad he opted out this year. BRU-TAL! Below are the pros in "the Kitchen" Floyd is about a min back. (loser)

Out of the Office

2010-07-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

Andy Schleck is THE BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE! WHEN I GET BACK FROM THE LAND OF NO INTERWEB I WILL TELL YOU WHY.

For Now:

Who has 2 stage wins in the 2010 TdF? (not Alberto Contador)
Who has 0 stage wins in the 2010 Tdf? (Alberto Contador)
Who won the Tourmalet part deux stage? (not Alberto Contador)

'nuff said

Also stoked to hear that Christian VDV and Tyler F. Will be riding the Vuelta. Woot!

If it's a rule; why don't they write it down????

2010-07-20T01:53:00.000-07:00

So again we have the German....errrr Flemish doods commentating in the vid above, but you get the picture.

Andy was leaving Alberto Contador, Smiley Menchov and Sammy S. in the dust with his attack on the hors cat Port du Bales. Pop goes his chain ring and WHAMMO Contador and the two battling for a podium position say "See you in Bagnères-de-Luchon, Andy boy. We're OUTTA here!" Andy mumbles obscenities under his breath about how you just can trust "Damn Spaniards and Russians" gets his bike sorted and off he goes.

Before we get all hot and bothered; let's do the math. I counted 32 seconds from the time the chain went to the time Andy was back on his bike (and I think I was being conservative.) Let's add another 10 seconds to Andy's conundrum as he gets back on the bike, feels it out, and actually gets moving again, OK?

Contador started the day 31 seconds down on young Schleckette. He had no Andy either on his wheel or off in the distance in front of him for the last like 10K of the stage. AC ended the day 8 seconds ahead of Andy. So Andy lost (at least) 42 seconds to his mechanical. Now subtract 31 from 42 (that leaves us with 11 seconds -for the math challenged among us.) Contador's current lead is 8 seconds, so Andy ACTUALLY MADE UP 3 SECONDS to the sneaky Spaniard. This means he royally kicked A$$ in the face of adversity and messed up mechanicals. (Wanna bet some mechanic in the Saxo team went home yesterday without a reference?)

ANDY SCHLECK IS THE BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE!!! (But I have never said he is the best Time Trialist in the Universe, so he really needs to be on point today and Thursday to get some serious time on Conty. I'm talking like 3 minutes!!!

Now let's talk about unwritten rules. Now as an "ugly American" I am exposed to other sports that do not have such chivalric "unwritten rules". For example, in Ultimate Fighting Challenge; if your competitor goes down you immediately step on his neck and crush him. In just about any other sport the "rule" is; if your opponent has a problem; ATTACK and KILL HIM!

However, I am not a fan of other sports. I am a fan of cycling where there are these "unwritten rules" of etiquette. But in this case, I have to admit I am torn. I think I am kind of siding with Twisted Spoke who says "one man’s mechanical is another man’s yellow jersey." And that yeah- there's a score to settle, but this Tour is running out of mountains.

Contador says that he did not realize the Yellow Jersey (Andy Schleck) had a mechanical. Huh??...he didn't see this six foot dood all in yellow (who he has been watching like a hawk since day 1) having chain problems on the side of the road? If you look at the vid- you see that Evil Vino (who I might have to rename) sat up immediately when he saw that Andy had a problem. Meanwhile Contador chose to attack.

The post race interview with Schleckette shows that he is righteously PISSED OFF! He has "anger in his stomach." (interesting place to have anger- I hope he transfers some of that anger to his legs today and Thursday.) My predictions include Jens FA Voigt drinking EXTRA coffee during the next two days and being a hugely pissed off mother bear protecting her cub. Jens will attack ANY HUMAN who even tries to mess with Andy the cublet.

Andy, on the other hand, will show us why he was dubbed "cycling caviar" in the 2008 TdF. Yes, he will be seeking revenge- BIG TIME- from here on out. From this day forward it is - ANYTHING GOES! "Hey Alberto! Your shoelace is untied...just kidding! You have a booger in your nose.....just kidding! What's the matter with your back wheel?? just kidding!" All rules- written or unwritten are set aside now, folks! The Saxos are OUT FOR BLOOD! And Astana will try to match them- blow for blow.

Back to "unwritten rules" If Contador didn't feel he had done something "unsportsman-like" why would he put out this youtube apology (above) to Andy last night??????? He knows that if wins this tour it will be tainted in many people's eyes because of Stage 15. (And his taint will be tainted, too, totally!) He didn't much like getting booed as he donned the yellow jersey yesterday.

Back to rules-- If it's not written down it's not a rule--it's a suggestion-- and a suggestion doesn't even hold the same weight as the warning label on my cup of McDonalds Coffee.

On the other hand, the group was pretty much the main contenders. Should they have waited for the yellow jersey..........? Well, that is still up in the air, but they SHOULD have maybe just maintained the same tempo and NOT have gone full bore to KILL Andy! Shame on you guys, Alberto, Denis and Sammy! This is probably the only sport left that is based solely on athleticism and ability, and even has an "unwritten" code of ethics. Let's not devolve into (insert any ball sport here)

Let's watch the fireworks today and see what happens.

"Nuff Said

Goddammit!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

photo: Bettini

Andy is royally POd after a mechanical on stage 15

Damn chain! You watch though--- Tomorrow SaxoBank is going to be PISSED and out for blood. You know who I see being really pissed????? Jens FA Voigt. Guarantee he will do whatever it takes to get Andy back into yellow. Tomorrow will be bery, bery interesting.......

Oh- congrats to Voeckler.

The Head Butt that was heard round the world

2010-07-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Above: the 3d head-butt

above: Renshaw messing with Tyler's line. Uncool dood. Uncool.

You can see the head-butting pretty OK above. Below, if you have patience, and you don't mind listening to some German doods who are apparently in love with Bernard Eisel, you can see how Renshaw messes with Tyler F.'s line as well. Here's another vid that shows the head-butt if you're interested.

Loss of lead-out man sullies surpassing of Zabel's Tour total

As Sansen has probably already said somewhere on the interweb, if she can get away from her Tweeting and Quilting Tour. This is going to be Cavendish Banana's latest excuse for how "the establishment" "the men in black" --whoever --are trying to undermine his Tour. Excuse me Mark, but no one gives a rat's butt about your tour. (I do like the dood who holds your umbrella for you during the post-race interviews though.) We only care about the Andy and Albert Show!

BTW- Andy How come you are not taking my advice and adding 10 seconds a day to your lead on Contador?

Mark Renshaw is a putz! (Doucheclamation Point!) Hope he has a good trip home. Now I understand that sprinting is tough and as Sir Phil says "full of argy bargy!" But, Renshaw needs to take his ass back to the sheep farm in New South Wales. Has HTC Columbia begun to think they are above the rules? Plus Renshaw is a BALD FACED LIAR. You tell me that head butting Julian Dean 1-2-yes 3 times is not intentional!!! And messing with Tyler's line? Oh yeah- that was totally "accidental." NOT! At first Kiwi guy, Julian Dean didn't seem to phased, but after watching the overhead he and Tyler (surfer dood) Farrar were righteously pissed.

I agree with the Official that said "This is a Bike Race (for Pete's sake) not a Gladiator's Arena! I didn't see any Christians or lions, did you???"

Shame on you Mark Renshaw! DQ is entirely deserved. To all Trolls!--Don't even try to write a comment that compares Renshaw's actions to those of the two little hill climbers in "That Fight." Renshaw could have taken out a LOT of doods. Barredo and Costa's escapades could have taken out 2-3 people tops.

Renshaw's latest Tweet : Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 4:48 EST

markrenshaw1 I think today's punishment was very harsh. I never imagined that i would ever be dq'd from the tdf. Very disappointed.

about 1 hour ago via EchofonRetweeted by TdFblog and 85 others
anunlikelysurvivor @markrenshaw1 Shoulda thought of that before you almost took out the peloton dood. Go home and fry up some bananas. Or maybe have a heart to heart with #erikzabel #tdf
mcewenrobbie
history shows that a headbutt will get dq'd from stg result (mcewen2005,Zabel 97)2 minutes ago via web
mcewenrobbie
history also shows that looking over shoulder at rival then taking them to barriers will also get u dq'd from stg results2 minutes ago via web
mcewenrobbie
history will now show that combining the 2 aforementioned tactics will get u sent home...greater than the sum of it's parts
Wise words, Robbie, wise words. spoken by a man who KNOWS about head-butting! (even if he doesn't know how to use apostrophes correctly when showing ownership)

Mark Renshaw is a DB!

HTC Columbia are Bananas-Cavendish Bananas!--Nuff Said

Today's funny Tweets

2010-07-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

ghincapie

The last two days have been very un tour like.think the heat is really getting to everyone. Expecting fireworks tomorrow.about 1 hour ago via Twitterrific
dzabriskie
Dude...you're being very undude like...about 1 hour ago via UberTwitter
nealrogers
I was attacked at the finish by a front wheel-wielding @dzabriskie. I don't care if it was the heat, I'm filing a complaint w/ the race juryabout 1 hour ago via web
Ricardovdvelde
@dzabriskie stop mokking other people ;)about 1 hour ago via UberTwitter in reply to dzabriskie
anunlikelysurvivor @ghincapie @dzabriskie Oh Grow up, DZ! George is "The Dooder!"
dzabriskie
I got my hashbrowns...so good! I like it here.10 minutes ago via UberTwitter
Michael_Creed
Attacking someone with a wheel? 400 swiss francs. Headbutting? Ticket home.6 minutes ago via webRetweeted by johnswah and 1 other

Kudos to Joe Biker for finding this one

2010-07-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

You Got Schlecked - the movie. Nice production Joe Biker !!!

Fun on a Rest Day

2010-07-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Kimberly for this jewel. Big Jens, Andy, and Stewey O'Grady discuss important issues like who drinks the most coffee? Who is the most grumpy in the morning? Etc. Enjoy!

We don't believe you are grumpy in the morning, Jensie!!

BTW- Whose kids are screaming in the background? Jensie?

It's the Andy and Albert SSHHOOOOW!

2010-07-13T14:21:00.001-07:00

"How come no one will help me zip this damn Yellow Jersey up? Geez, I just killed myself today! Can someone do me a solid?"

OK Schleck Fans- here's the plan. Andy has to chip away at Alberto Contador a little bit each day. I figure he needs 2:30 over AC going into the final TT to have some wiggle room. That's 100 more seconds. 10 seconds a day kiddo, doable? Hell yeah!

It is officially the Andy and Alberto show now folks. I know I know- some of you will say "Wait a minute! There're like 10 stages left! Le Tour is not fin!" Well it is for a certain Cuddly Australian. Wiggo is in the maybe I can get a stage win mentality. Basso is like "Hey, I already won one GT this year, WTF?" The only potential, possible, yet very unlikely threats come from the dour russian and the littlest robot. From here on out we're going to see AS and AC duking it out on a daily basis.

Andy has already shown that Contador is fallible. AC cracked on Stage 8 and could not match Andy's accelerating attack. Now we need to see Andy taking advantage of that on a daily if not minutely basis. I'm thinking prank phone calls to AC's room at all hours. Knocks on the door at 3AM that say "Doping Control" Contacor answers the door in his skivvies and a group of Schleck fans yell "Just kidding!" Mind games- that's what is going to decide this tour.

I was actually sorry to see Cuddles pop today. As usual he did it in a dramatic fashion. Yes he has a broken elbow, but hell, I gave birth to a child and I didn't cry. Geez. Show some restraint there dood.

Thanks a lot Steephill.tv/Reuters I really need this image in my head. Shloogs were out in force today, folks.

Gotta give some props to big Jensie Voigt. He made the initial break so that he could fall back to help Schleckette on the Madeleine. Good show Jens. JV "When the mind says I am too tired I need to stop, I just say shut up mind! Don't listen, legs! You keep pedaling!" JV= the godfather of the peloton!

Review and Reflect

2010-07-12T02:21:00.000-07:00

AFP photo

Andy's first TdF Stage win! Stage 8, July 11, 2010. Killed it in the Cols!

ANDY......SCHLECK.....IS......THE.....BEST......BIKE.....RACER.....IN......THE.......UNIVERSE!!!! He is 20 seconds behind Cuddles Evans and shaved 10 seconds off Cuddles' previous lead. Enjoy yellow for a while, Cuddles, a very short while, because Andy Schleck will be wearing it on the Champs! Contador was no match for Andy's attack--the other big names watched in wonder, awe and perplexity.

Now on to other happenings.

Lance has popped. Yesterday demonstrated that he is now in a support roll for Levi the Littlest Robot. No amount of massage, Cavendish Bananas, or blood bags (thank for your offer anyway, Dr. Fuentes) is going to get Lance back into any kind of position to even make the top 10. I thought I would be jumping up and down with glee, but I'm actually kind of teary eyed. NOT!!!!!

photo of the week

Really though, the dood is a legend and the only cyclist that non cyclists and non cycling fans have even heard of. Can't wait for "The End of an Era" special I see coming on Versus with Phil and Paul. Possibly today. Must check TV listings. Below is a crappy video of one of Lance's many crashes yesterday. This is the one on the round-a-bout If I wasn't lazy I would search for vid of the mountain top crash. What was that all about??? Seriously, who crashes on TOP of a mountain?

I do have a sneaky suspicion though- my gut says Lance will throw in the towel before the end of le Tour. I'm willing to take bets. Any takers?

Below: 3 Lance crashes in SloMo including the mountain-top fender bender with the Euskatel dood 13K from finish. If you watch the last crash closely you can see that Sorensen's leg actually kept Lance from going down on to the Euskatel dood. Lance puts his hands on hips and immediately called his assistant, Alphonse.

LA: "Alphonse, get Euskatel on the horn and tell them NO MORE musettes--only bananas! Oh yeah and send Sorenson a Livestrong wristband. The kid took the fall for me. Oh yeah- you can clear up my schedule for the next two weeks I'll be free."

Next up---Poor Robbie McEwen! This dood has been put through the hamburger grinder in the 2010 Tour! Really can't blame him for his vulgarity after some dumb ass journalist jumped in front of him AFTER THE FINISH LINE on July 9. Vid below- just the first min or so- after that it's a Cavendish Banana Mush Festival which you can choose to watch or turn off at your pleasure.

On to-- "That Fight" Below are some quick vids from a couple of different angles. Carlos Barredo (QuickStep) and Rui Costa (Caisse D'Epargne) just cracked me up on multiple levels. First of all, the wheel smack was classic. Who thinks of a bicycle wheel as a weapon in a "spontaneous" brawl? It reminded me of a bitch slap minus the flying weave. The last video shows other riders reactions to "That Fight" and is highly amusing. "Two little hill climbers having a slap fest!"

Above: Angle 1

Above: Angle 2

Below are some responses to "That Fight" that are just flippin Hilarious!

Enjoy the rest day! Get some work done for god's sake! You've been sitting in front of that computer screen and/or TV for 2 weeks straight! Go outside and work on your cyclist tanlines!

Allez Andy!

2010-07-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

Can you say BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE?????!!!!!

Because that's who I'm talking about! Andy Schleck won the stage, and is currently 2nd in the GC 20 seconds behind the cuddly Cadel Evans. Not to worry though. Our happy go lucky Schleckette of Luxenbourg will bury Cuddles when the time is right. I'm thinking playing some headgames with Cuddles might be in order for the coming stages. First, Andy can get him mad, then he can start destabilizing the Aussie's confidence. Maybe start with some "your mama" jokes. Follow those with some "I fart in your general direction" Monty Pythonesque derision and Cadel will be biting the head off any fan or journalist within reach. That Credit Lyonaisse Lion will be smacked around some fer sher.

BTW- did anyone else notice that they couldn't get Cuddles off the podium today? Also, bye bye Lance!

Andy baby also showed some cracks in the Contador armor. I mean, c'mon! Alberto had like a dozen doods working for him. Andy had Fulsgang (thank god for Fulsgang!) and he was Fulsgangless for the final kilometers- totally on his own. What does our boy do? Takes a look at AC and says "you coming?" as Schleckette takes off. AC tried to hang and could not do it.

Be strong and conquer young Luxenbourgish Velociraptor! The fangirls of the universe applaud your bubbly beaudaciousness!

Ryder's on a roll

2010-07-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

Ryder's on a roll

Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not I. Still can't pronounce or spell Ryder's last name, but he is certainly proving to rock at the 2010 TdF! A Canadian no less! I thought they all played hockey- who knew?

Here's hoping he can hand evil Cuddles his A$$ in a musette as the Tour continues to unfold. My prediction--Ryder will be top 5.

Top 10 predictions:

1. Andy Schleck

2. Alberto Contador

3. Wiggo (yes he will make a miraculous come back)

4. Ryder Hesjesjesedjesjal

5. Evil Vino

6. Cuddles

7. Daivid Millah

8. Smiley Menchov

9. Gerant Thomas (not sure he can hang til the end)

10. Chris Horner (I know- a long shot, but I like him)

*note- there is no Lance in the above list

AC/AS Commercial HILARIOUS!!!!!

2010-07-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Gotta check this "I am Specialized" Commercial!" Featuring Alberto Contador and Andy Schleck. Laughing My A$$ Off!

Also funny- Andy playing with Cuddles' head. Young Schleckette doesn't consider the Cuddly Aussie a "fer real and fer shiz" contender for the GC. You know Cadel is fuming!

Although I must admit (even tho I hate to) Cuddles has added a bit of attacking to his typical wheel sucking repertoir.

As you all must realize I am in serious grieving for poor VDV and Frank. Fangirls United should do something for the 2 of them. Any ideas?

Cav Crash- His Fault!

2010-06-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry- disagree with cycling.tv doods. If you look at the overhead view- Cav definitely leaned into Haussler because Henrich was coming up on him. Def a deliberate bump there in my humble opinion!

Cholek and Boonen didn't have a chance. Caught in the carnage. Poor Haussler is a hot mess!

AG2R dood yeowch!

Your opinion? Cav to blame or not?

Name this nut

2010-06-14T15:13:00.001-07:00

Love this dood!

Also pick your nine riders for SaxoBank and Garmin for TdF! Let's see how we do.

My pics:

Garmin

Christian VdV
Dave Millar
Tyler Farrar
Julian Dean
Dan Martin
Martin Maaskant
Dave Zabriskie
Ryder Hesjedal
Tommy Danielson (kind of iffy with Tommy D)

SexyBank

Frandy
Frandy
Jens FA Voigt
Fabulous Fabian
Matti Breschel
One Sorenson
Stewey O'Grady
Kasper (the friendly ghost) Klostergard
drum roll........Gustav Larson

I have no idea what I'm talking about, but who knows. Throw some names out there folks. Or feel free to challenge any of my picks :P

Frankie...ya!

2010-06-14T14:53:00.001-07:00

YES! Our second favorite, twigs for arms, Brother of the Family Schleck took Stage 3 of Tour de Suisse today! The Best Bike Racer in the Universe (who I believe has arms that are even more twig-like than Frank's is only down 19 seconds! Go Schlecks! Sad to hear that Frankie lost his prescription Oakleys on stage 2 though. I feel ya brah. Lost my half tracks the other day. Had to order 2 more pairs just to overcompensate. Why do I feel like I should either be from New Jersey or Europe by sporting Oakleys? They're just sooo cool I guess.

More good news is that VDV, despite having me worried for the past two days has radically moved up in the GC. Go Christian!

Had to get the newly released Oakley Jupiter.

see new oakleys above

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!!!!!

2010-06-10T13:06:00.002-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE

BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!

KEEP THE POWERS OF GOOD

ROLLING ON THOSE TUBULARS!!!!

2010 Philadelphia International Championship

2010-06-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

The 2010 Philadelphia International Championship June 6, 2010

156 miles 6 1/2 hours.

Velonews Report

CyclingNews Report

Podium:

1. Matthew Goss (Aus) HTC Columbia

2. Peter Sagan Leakygas

3. Alexander Kristoff BMC

We tooled around a bit on Saturday and I purchased a new bike (above) A radical, hipster fixie with the handlebars already to precise bike messenger wannabe dimensions and cards already in the spokes. SWEEEET ride! NOT!

Don't worry- I'll get to the race report, but I'd like to share a pic of my beautiful family first. Left to right- Jon (hubby) Lynn (kid) J-Dawg (kid's awesome BF- he received many compliments from the drunken "Yunkers" on his "Bad Ass" T-Shirt which is a morph of the "Phlyers" and the "Phillies"

Here we're just trying to let the spray of the fountain cool us off from the egg frying heat that defined Phi-Town yesterday.

Random: Daniel Oss (Leakygas) has a kickin' mullet!

It was a hot and steamy day-Did I already mention that?

Not sure if this is Caleb Fairley or Alex Howes of the Garmin/USA Development Squad. If it's Caleb- Kudos Bro- you hung in there and made an awesome effort at the end!

The pic above gives you an idea of what it means to climb "the Wall" The Manayunk Wall has a 17% grade and these doods had to conquer it 10 times yesterday. We saw this one woman pro on her 2nd lap. She was off the back and was looking to the crowd and begging for water. I couldn't get to the pack in time and all the Yunkers could offer her was beer. I think she got dropped.

Jelly Belly's Will Routley was total awesomeness yesterday! He had a 5 minute solo lead for the big laps 6-9. When they got to the smaller laps at the end- where it's a quick circuit from the Art Museum up through Lemon Hill and back- he got swallowed up by the remains of the peloton and shit out the back totally fried. He says he drank 17 bottles of water yesterday. Dood- all I can say is "Respect! West Side!"

One thing that ticked me off was that Will should have won the 5,000$ Sprint Prime from Sugar Shack Casino, instead he took 2nd for the 3,000$ Prime. Unfortunately, Bahati Foundation's wheel sucking Cesar Augusto Grajales refused to work with the chasing group of 4 and totally sucked wheel to put his man, Nathan O'Neil ahead of Will to win the prime. Grajales' wheel sucking tactic also allowed him to take KOM classification with Will Routley taking second. IMHO Grajales is kind of a punk.

Mike Friedman (formerly of Garmin- currently of Jelly Belly-above) seriously kicked it yesterday. He was in the first group (the peloton had shattered into 3) for the whole race. There was a bunch sprint of 67 doods at the end and he took 11th. Go Meatball! You rocketh in my booketh.

Listen to this. 145 doods started this race- 67 finished it. Our bud Adam Myerson punctured on the descent from "The Wall" on the 8th lap I think. Rahsaan Bahati made 8 big laps and DNFd. Says he was happy he made that many as he really wasn't shaped up for it. 4 Leakygas doods dropped. They had just finished training in the mountains of Italia and arrived on Friday night. Jet lag + altitude change killed them. But, they did their job until the 8th lap and got their boy Peter Sagan on the podium. Personally, I had picked him to win.

So all in all an awesome day! Here's an early invite to all fan girls! Sansen, Helen, Nikki- I am talking to YOU! Come on out for 2011. You can crash at my kid's pad like we do. This is THE premier one-day race in the U.S. You GOTTA come next year!

Now for my yearly Lame video. Music by The Legendary Shack Shakers. Photos by Lynn. Shaky video by moi.

I say: Let the shit fall where it will.........

2010-05-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about cycling, Floyd Landis’ revelations/accusations, Lance Armstrong and life in general. I have to admit I never like Floyd much even before he was stripped of his Tour de France victory in 2006. Like many of the upper echelon of the peloton I thought he was arrogant and kind of a jerk. However, today I wonder about his motivations in telling all of us 1) that, yes, he did dope, 2) He was NOT the only one, 3) naming names—BIG NAMES.

Well, before all of this hit the fan I read an article where Lance Armstrong came out and said he had doubts about himself this year. WHAT??? Is this the Lance Armstrong I have grown to hate all these years. How could he possibly come out publically and say something that seemed, well, humble. I had suspicions that something was brewing and that he was prepping himself for a shit-storm. Then he crashes out of the ATOC and then lo and behold Landis comes out with some shocking allegations. Although, if you are a realist they are really not that shocking at all.

Armstrong says he has nothing to hide. And in a way that is true. He can’t be stripped of his TdF victories due to a 7 year moratorium- kind of a statute of limitations. He could, maybe doubtful, but possible, be stripped of people’s respect, his credibility, his legacy and his current position with the Shack. I doubt that even Bruyneel, will be able to come out of this unscathed. Radio Shack will hardly want to endorse someone, however powerful, whose character is in question and perhaps even shredded by the time this is all over. My question here is how come, over the years so many riders have been forced to eat shit, while Lance’s shit-- nasty, illegal or unethical gets gold plated and shoved down our (collective-fans and pro peloton) throats.

I’m not even going to go in to doping in this monologue. I hope we all agree that is a non-issue here. I can’t think of anyone who is openly in favor of doping, yet some cyclists continue to do it. The long term health risks are unknown. The number of fatalities, heart attacks and other negative aspects are too numerous to count.

This is about Floyd Landis and why he has been chosen as the public whipping boy of pro cycling. Floyd is not alone in this public spectacle. TdF organizers, WADA, and the media have been quick to very publically accuse and ban cyclists for doping. Floyd, however has absolutely nothing to lose at this point. He’s already lost everything. Even his mom stated that if he did dope and lied about it he should burn in hell. Nice mom! Never trust a Mennonite.

I honestly believe that Floyd’s motives are not petty in this instance. I believe that he wants people to realize that in that era just about everyone doped. Folks who didn’t like Danny Pate and Tim Johnson (according to Adam Myerson) went to Europe and couldn’t hack it because they DIDN’T dope. That’s why they came back to the US- where both have been extremely successful.

I am a little scared about what may happen to folks like Dave Z. and even Levi in the fallout of all of this, but even so I say let the shoe drop where it will. Cycling has been giving a wink and a nod with one hand, and slapping folks upside the head with the other, with regards to doping. However, I also think that maybe it is about time there was a major shake-up, and maybe people like……Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel need to be taken down a few pegs or even just…taken down. Like Adam Myerson, and I think Floyd Landis, I say let’s just burn the whole thing down and let the phoenix rise from the ashes. Perhaps this latest controversy will have the power to do just that. I will still be a fan. You probably will still be a fan as well. I wish Floyd the best and hope that his revelations help to conquer his personal demons.

I am too lazy right now to put all the links of all that I’ve read on this into the post. But believe me I have read just about everyone’s take on every perceivable side before I came to these beliefs.

A little part of me also hopes that Lance goes down in a blazing ball of shit.

PS: 5 mountain top finishes for the end of the Giro?? No wonder they dope.

Floyd, Lance, George? And those who didn't.....

2010-05-21T13:50:00.001-07:00

2006--before the shoe dropped

.....according to Adam Myerson. Adam is a local boy who is a serious, top level 'cross rider. Super nice guy who is very friendly and has given Jon some good riding advice. I believe that what he says about Floyd Landis and his recent confessions are apropos, to today's climate of burn the dopers has merit. Even if you don't agree with Adam; it's an interesting read for a different perspective.

Check out Adam's take here.

Cuddles Gets in Fisticuffs.....

2010-05-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

...with another rider in the peloton. Stage 12 Giro 2010.

Holy crap! someone really needs to put together a comprehensive list of all of the folks that have been smacked, bitch slapped, punched, had something chucked at by "Cuddles." Gotta LUV the Aussie! NOT! Did he get relegated? DQd? He is a freakin' KOOK!

SMDH!!!!!!!

"Punch-up in the Bunch! Giro d'Italia (Tour of Italy), Stage 12, 20May2010, 1.Cadel Evans (Aus) vs 128. Daniele Righi (Ita)."

Schwanger says it was a "back alley brawl" and it slows everyone down because "you're not pulling if you're fighting."

Cadel- My husband, Jon is trying to root for you, but you're making it hard man, real hard.

And then Pippo (Love my Hair) Pozzato wins the sprint finish? *Head explodes* Hope Pippo thanks Cuddles for the help!

Nice (Bike) Rack?

2010-05-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

What's Andy thinking do you suppose?

ZOMG! Thanks to some random reader for sharing these priceless photos! It could explain Why Mick Rogers, Dave Z., and LeviBOT are 1-2-3 while young Annikin is 42 in the GC! Do I detect some movement in those chamois?

Notice how DZ Nuts resists the Siren call of large knockers to continue his warm-up. Well, Andy is younger. Maybe we need to get Frank and Jonny to stop catching carp long enough to give the boy some words of wisdom. photo below from @schleckfrank on Twitter

A GREAT Day for Garmin!

2010-05-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

above: Tyler Farrar (Garmin Transitions)

photo: Bettini

It's a GREAT GARMIN day! Tyler Farrar takes Stage 10 of the Giro D'Italia and Dave Zabriskie takes Stage 3 of Tour of Cali! I am happy!

The Only Way Amgen on Versus would be Watchable.....

2010-05-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

If I still drank Jon and I could play a drinking game where we would take a shot every time Phil or Paul said "Lance Armstrong." We'd be hammered in 20 minutes. Versus coverage is virtually unwatchable.

Seriously someone needs to do a study and count how many times the name is said-the image shown-or in the MANY commercials we see Lance riding his bike on top of a CG generated globe.

Feel bad for Saxo Bank dood who broke his collarbone.

Is Andy becoming good buddies with Tommeke or what? Everytime I see the young Schleck he is yakking with Boonen. I just hope Andy can just say no to coke.

As for Giro- can anyone really get behind Pozzato? I just can't do it.

Amgen Tour of Cali Stage 1

2010-05-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

Summary:

Mark Cavendish--"If....I mean when I win today."
Cavendish continues his Zabel fetish during insipid fluff interview on Versus.
Coverage continues to suck for I don't know how many years' running now. Sir Phil keeps apologizing profusely about viewers not actually being able to SEE the race. Reason being-planes can't be in air traffic way. Doods we're in California! This is like the total CAPITAL of film and film-making.
Ever hear of moto-cameras?
Stage ends in a Crit because Americans have no respect for cycling, and thus we really can't ask them to wait in their big, gas guzzling SUVs, a bit til the peloton goes through.
Dead car on side of road in area of crit finish. Rather than towing it- let's just put orange cones around it so all the riders will get discombobulated and crash. ( we wouldn't want to infringe on the civil rights of the owner of the abandoned car--after all this is cali)
Tom Boonen and George Hincapie go down in last couple of Ks. Tom had be helped off the course by a buddy. Hope he's OK. Crit like finish=total hamburger fest!
Versus coverage is 90% commercials, 7% fluff back stories/interviews and 3% actual racing.
Jon says Cali always has good podium girls.
Everyone says "It never rains in May in Santa Cruz." Well guess what? It rained.
Cav wins...blegh. And all this stuff with his teeth? What did they do because his chompers still look pretty whack to me?

Can you tell I've had a frustrating week and it's only Monday!

ZOMG! Lance has doubts????

2010-05-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

Is this really Lance Armstrong and not an impersonator????? Someone catch me because Imaboutta faint!

Video Link of humble Armstrong

Corresponding Article Link

Andy's New Bike!!!!!

2010-05-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

photo from Andy's Twitter

And he's still going to kick Levi's (and the Bot's home for the care and development of emotionally disturbed hamsters) asses in the Tour of Cali!

Nice and Not Nice

2010-05-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

Schleck Video ala Anke =NICE!!!!!!

We tink you pretty, Frankie! You have the nice muscles! I like the nasty BBQ too! And Andy- he catches the big fish. Yes? Freakin Hilarious video! Too funny watching them fish all kitted up!

Vino in pink.....bleeeggghhh! How does the universe feel about this? I for one am displeased.

Christian VDV goes down for the second year in a row during stage 3 of the Giro= NOT NICE

Poor Christian. Please send all of your positive vibrations to the Argyle Leader. Fractured right clavicle- goes in for surgery tomorrow. No more Giro for you young man! Especially no more Stage 3! Fer real though, this guy has had some bum luck with the Italian Tour. Last year in Stage 3 he broke ribs, pelvis, vertebrae, etc. Geez! Imagine a pro baseball player dealing with the sketchiness and danger that our boys in the pro peloton deal with on a daily basis!

The only consolation for this is that I will not be torn between The Giro and the Tour of Cali. Weird only one Schleck Brother racing in Cali- Andy. According to Anke Frank will be racing Tour of Lux.

Go Tyler! Boo Cuddles!

2010-05-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Call me crazy, a radical, a purist. Call me whatever you want. However, I am one of those who believe that the Tour of Italy should be in well......Italy. Feel the same way about le Tour de France. Since I don't really have a say in the matter I guess "I AMsterdam!"

Some good pics here.

I am delighted that young Tyler Farrah ( as in Fawcett)- Not Farrer or Farrar won today's stage! Awesome leadout by Dave "I like to chuck my bike sometimes" Millar and Julian "Kiwi Boy" Dean. Hee hee. This video never gets old.

Today's stage was pretty gnarly though. Geez! Versus lame commentators Gogo and Shwanger barely got done discussing one crash when another pile-up went down. Dear Holland, Could you please do something about all that road furniture?

Cuddles took the Maglia Rosa and did some ranking on the peloton. Says he never saw such a bunch of nervous nellies. Whatever dood. I really can't believe Jon likes this guy. He's actually rooting for him for the Giro.

The crashes were fast and furious. Saw many a buttcheek hanging out of a shredded kit. Also saw some crazy ass shloogs. Fave of the day- dood in a full Goalie outfit- close second- dood with a pink speedo who had no business wearing a speedo of any color.

Feel bad for Wiggo. The crashes definitely knocked him off the head of the GC, and I have doubts that he'll be able to make up the time lost today.

My boy VDV is cranking along. He tweeted that he was one of the many who went down today. Please no repeats of last year's Giro, Christian!

I hear the Icelandic Volcano may impact the plans to fly the riders back to Italy this week. Again, not to say I told you so, but IF YOU HAD THE TOUR OF ITALY IN IYALY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM! So there's some flak about how big name teams like Garmin shouldn't be able to ride in their fancy bus while less distinguished and affluent teams will have to hitch a ride with some Deadheads in a VW Microbus from Amsterdam to Italia. It'll be interesting to see if that drama pans out.

Hope the peloton can get their acts together in the next few days and keep the RUBBER SIDE DOWN!

In conclusion, as my 8th graders say in any writing assignment to try to stretch out their responses, Tyler, You done good!

Vino as Silas

2010-05-02T15:51:00.001-07:00

Above: Vino in his Opus Dei Outfit. He has that barbed wire cinched nice and tight around his thighs and is getting ready for some self-flagellation.

When I asked Vino about his role as Silas in The Da Vinci Code he flatly denied it and said that he blew his nose in my general direction.

Look at the pictures above and TELL me it's NOT the same dood! So now you know-- Vino is actually part of the Vatican's evil squad of henchmen known as Opus Dei. 2006 he plays Silas- 2007 he's busted for doping. Coincidence? I think not!!!

Cav, the bird, and Tour of Romandie

2010-05-01T13:06:00.001-07:00

Getty Images

So Cav says his two fingered to salute was to "send a message to commentators and journalists who don't know jack shit about cycling,"

Well young Mr. Cavendish, if getting yourself pulled from the race shows that you DO know "jack shit" about cycling then my apologies because I just don't get it!!!!! Perhaps a course in etiquette from Ms. Manners is in order for the boy from Mann. What a classless ass.

Yes I know, I'm being mean and somewhat classless here meself, BUT I DON'T HAVE CAMERAS ON ME AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY TEAM AND MY SPONSORS GETTING PISSED OFF ENOUGH TO PULL ME FROM A RACE.

Methinks the boy best watch himself lest his arrogance exceed his ability thus bringing him down down down.

On a lighter note- go VDV and his band of youngsters from the Argyle Armada. The Veedster's hanging in 16th as of today.

On a Schleck note. Still trying to think of a conspiracy theory for why Andy is riding Tour of Cali rather than Giro.

Also, trying to figure out how to set up a 2010 Tour Fantasy League. Anybody in if I can get it going?

Twas a sad week in cycling.........

2010-04-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

GAHHH! Wouldn't you hate to be that trophy?

I imagine Contador had to douse himself in a mild bleach solution after giving

Vino the obligatory hug.

Handy Andy and Gilbert charging towards the finish of L-B-L-

Andy! Why didn't you try harder in that last 10K? The forces of evil are now

running the pro peloton!

As the Spring Classics come to an end, and the season of the Grand Tours looms; I find myself somewhat disillusioned, disenchanted, disenfranchised and disgusted. When the winner (the Evil Dopehead Vino) has to go on record that his "victory was clean" and is booed by the fans I am also discouraged, disgruntled, disengaged and disappointed. Additionally, anything that dismays the brothers Schleck causes me dismayal and disapproval. BTW- congrats to Frank on the new little Schleckette.

Wonderer, speculator, conspiracy theorist, and strange person that I am; I find my mind spinning around the question: Why is Andy racing the Tour of California and not the Giro? California girls are cuter? He wants to get in tip top shape for le Tour without the pressure (and hamburger factory) that the Giro can apply and become? Any ideas in the fangirl universe?

Why oh why couldn't UCI/WADA/Animal Control/ Men in Black/ANYONE have just saved us all the hassle and banned Vino for life? He's a prick and could have used a prick from the green needle at the Humane Society if you know what I'm saying. Just can't muster any kind of enthusiasm for this dood.

Cuddles' (while still in desperate need of an eyebrow waxing) won Fleche Wallone. It seems he has finally learned the value (and how-to) attack. Although I must say that the BMC kit certainly does not flatter the reporter smacker from down under. Most of you know my views on Cadel, so no need to elaborate on HOW MUCH I HATE HIM right now. I'll wait until le Tour.

Anywho, hopefully the battle among the forces of good and evil in the pro peloton take a turn towards the side of good soon! Was glad to see VDV racing today and look forward to watching him have a good Giro. There ARE forces of good! The Argle Armada-VDV-DZ, the Schlecks, Jensie, Uncle Bjaarne, Fabulous Fabian, George Hincapie, Chris Horner need to take the bulls by the horns and kick some evil A$$!

Good luck to the Best Bike Racer in the Universe, and may the force be with you all.

Garmin-Transitions' Roubaix Wrecked By Crashes | Cyclingnews.com

2010-04-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

Garmin-Transitions' Roubaix Wrecked By Crashes | Cyclingnews.com

But the Fabulous Fabian looked like he was riding a motorcycle! Unbelievable! The man is a monster. SexyBank has a deep bench for the coming grand tours. I'm seeing Fabulous as more of an allrounder this year. Uncle Bjarne must be happy. Who wants to bet that Andy wins Amstel next week?

A bittersweet end of 'cross seaon

2009-12-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

Tis with sadness that we bid farewell to this year's season of New England 'Cross. Yes there is a race next weekend, but we're both done as you can see by the commentary at the beginning of this latest video extravaganza.

Don't know how long this will be available SO WATCH IMMEDIATELY!

2009-12-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

Starring J-Pow, Jamey Driscoll, Tim Johnson, Barry Wicks and Ryan Trebon. I'm sorry but I think I just peed my pants!!!!!!!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Hipsters discuss Cyclocross

2009-11-19T02:23:00.001-08:00

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt

USGP Of Cyclocross Round 6 - Mercer Cup: Elite Men, Route Maps & Results | Cyclingnews.com

2009-11-16T02:01:00.000-08:00

USGP Of Cyclocross Round 6 - Mercer Cup: Elite Men, Route Maps & Results | Cyclingnews.com

Notice how Trebon slags the East Coast yet again.

“I’m looking forward to going into Portland in the lead and it’s not going to be 70 degrees and sunny. It will probably be 35 and pouring rain.”

Ummm Hello.......Can you say Gloucester, Mercer Day 1, Northampton?

East Coast V. West Coast (did I mention Mud?)USGP Mercer 2009er

2009-11-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

Freakishly tall, classless, henceforth referred to as "Mr. Arrogance" Ryan Trebon (above) posted the following to his Twitter account prior to Mercer "You all know what lame eastcoast racing stuff I'm talking about, dont kid yourselves. Or maybe you have to be a westcoaster to understand" Let's talk about Mr Arrogance. Yes he won Day 1, but here are some personal observations. 1) I saw him peeing right outside his Kona van. Yes I did! And, there was a fully functional, lovely actual men's room facility less than 30 feet away. ewwwww! 2) When I approached him and said good luck even though you are a big trash-talker, he was eating some noodly kind of thing and his response was incomprehensible as he spit large chunks of pre-chewed noodles in my direction. Didn't your mama teach you not to talk with your mouth full, Mr. Arrogance. Barry Wicks was just in the van laughing. I *heart* Barry Wicks because he loves all things Harry Potter and Hermione in particular.

Adam Meyerson Rocks because he has kept the CycleSmart Verge Northampton Race up and running for 19 years! Jon also tells me that does a killer Cross workshop. He placed 15th on day one. Pretty good for a 37-yr-old geezer!

Above is Danny Summerhill fromm the Garmin Felt/Holowesky U23 Squad. Watch out for this kid! He was 6th overall on Day 1 and 1st for the U23s. Looked at his resume. Primarily a 'Cross dude, but has done a few RR and has performed well. Creepy sideburn boy is obviously grooming him for the pro team.

The dreamy Jesse Anthony didn't have a great day. 44th overall. Haven't checked how he did yesterday, but I hope it was improvement. The only thing I checked to see was that Tim Johnson kicked Mr. Arrogant's ass! I really hope this whole rivalry thing doesn't turn too ugly. Remember Tupac?

Now it's time to talk MUDDD!!! There is no way to describe Mercer mud, but I'll give it my best shot. First off, there are many variations in the mud on the course. Predominantly this kind; imagine, if you will, chunky peanut butter mixed with DW40, ground up grass clippings and earthworms. Yes, earthworms. The guy's bike (above) wasn't furry and brown when he took it off his roof rack. And that dude was only ONE lap into the race. The pros were doing A LOT of pit changes.

The other type of mud is more like quicksand. I inadvertently stepped into some of that when I was trying to scream at Jon that he was 12th at the time and needed to bridge a 20 second gap to the lead group. Luckily, I was wearing waterproof boots. However, as I tried to extract my foot from the glop it did come right off. The boot that is. It was fun getting it back on.

Above is Jon getting "Jake the Snake" ready for Day 1. Looks like grass doesn't it? It's not! It's grass floating on top of a sea of mud. I lost count of the number of cars, vans, trucks, and camels that were spinning their wheels just trying to park.

Funny story: The dreamy Jesse Anthony and his brother pulled in around noon. His little Honda or whatever it was immediately got stuck in the killer mud. Spin Spin Forward Reverse. His little bro and I valiantly pushed him backwards so that he could get up enough speed to get through the viscous goo. Actually, I wasn't much of a help as I was holding my coffee with one hand and pushing with the other. I did get a muddy high five though.

Another funny story: Did you know Tim Johnson (above) stays at cheap hotels just like we do? Saturday morning I'm out loading the car (part of my pit crew duties) and I see this dood picking up poop from a lovely chocolate lab. Being me I go over and strike up a conversation. Yes it was Timmy Johnson and yes he picks up his own dog's poop. He said he had to sneak her in and we talked about all the angles of sneaking dogs in to hotels as I have to do that with the pugs on occasion. Wished him luck and the dog jumped into my car. Told him she could come with us, but she decided to go with dad. GO TJ! SO HAPPY YOU KICKED FREAKISHLY TALL, CLASSLESS, MR. ARROGANT'S BUTT ON DAY 2!!!
Above- Troy Wells- The younger of the brothers was running a kiddie Workshop on Friday. We caught him showing the rugrats how to bunny hop the barriers. Troy did well on Day 1 placing 13th. Brother Todd placed 10th. On day 2 Todd podiumed with 3d place.

All in all a great weekend as usual! Unfortunately, we had to blast early on Sunday because Jon has a wicked toothache. I told him to get that root canal the last time he was at the dentist, but does he listen to me?

Now for my Lamo video production that encapsulates the spirit of the race, the conditions, and me booing Ryan Trebon.

CycleSmart International November 7, 2009 Or The Jeremy Powers' Show

2009-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

I stole this entry from my hubby Jon. It was his experience on Saturday. You also may want to check out Adam Meyerson's blog which totally rocks. Adam is the dude who has been putting this event on for the past NINETEEN YEARS!

So Saturday was my birthday, and I can now officially race in the 45+ geezer class. Yep, 45 on Saturday, and a 10th place finish as a present to myself. Those geezers are fast and really know how to ride. They never let up.
It's amazing how much confidence has to do with it. As I've had some good results lately, I start to realize that I deserve to be there, and that all my hard work and "training" is paying off. But confidence is only part of the equation. I've definitley been feeling strong and have been getting a lot better at chasing, attacking and recovering along with just plain riding faster. I'm a little slow to pick up on the strategy part though.
On Saturday I didn't get a great start, but through the first three laps I managed to ride up to a group that was basically the "chase" group to the leaders and had some fast riders in it. The next few laps I noticed that I was faster than them through the sand, which was only a quarter lap to the finish. I knew all I had to do was not blow it this last time through the sand and I had 'em. When I hit the grass they were ahead of me, but the thing with riding vs. running is that you usually have the major advantage of acceleration, which I did and never looked back.
Hey, 10th isn't that good, but I'm getting closer.
Sunday was a real fun race. The course was quite a bit more turny, but still really fast. Again, not a great start, but I worked up through the group. I caught up to Nyberg in about 8th or 9th place but he wasn't having any of it and left me in the dust. just as we settled into a group, I clipped my pedal on a root while trying to take my super secret line and went down. There goes the group. I think that was my first fall of the season. I didn't think I would catch back on but I did and even managed to beat all but two of the guys in the group. I finished 13th and managed to move back up to 20th overall for the series. I'm looking forward to Mercer next weekend, for the racing and the chance to spend some time with our daughter and J-dog (sup).

CAARRRAAAZZZYYYY!

2009-11-09T12:51:00.001-08:00

This is just insane!

Don't nobody wants Cadel

2009-11-04T02:46:00.001-08:00

Even BMC must be a pity offer

The Australian 11-2-09

19th Annual West Hill Shop CX Race 2009

2009-11-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

So this is like the longest continuously running 'Cross Race on the East Coast. I think there might be one that is tied, but I can't remember where. Correct me if I'm wrong. These dudes know how to run a CX race! We had a great day. Jon got 3d and can now upgrade to Cat 2, Jerry got 5th and this was only his 2nd CX race. He's a Mtn Bike dood predominantly. Paul dropped out cuz he was having a hissy fit or sumpin'.

I especially like the face plant at the beginning of the video. I think I am going to make that my trademark with regard to videography of 'Cross events. Here's a personal message that was sent to me on youtube RE: the face plant. Of course I said no prob!

rorymasini

Putney video

So I'm from Cannondale and we're all stoked with your video. Reason? The dude who crashed on lap 1 is our marketing director and we can't get enough of giving him crap about it. Is there some way I can get the original clip of him biting it? We would put it on a loop and open up every day with a viewing!

thanks !

Rory

Next week it's back to the Verge Series in Northampton, MA. Week after Gran Prix Mercer Cup. Wooty Woot! Cyclocross season is the bestest!

Me on a typical fall weekend

2009-10-27T02:46:00.001-07:00

photo: Steven Yau

Hartford 'Cross 10-25-09

I'm the one with the clipboard looking all official and everything. Jon is the rider looking like he is about to cough up a lung. He came in 2nd in a field of about 30. Go Jon! He says he wants to cross the finish line with his arms up in the air one day. It could happen. Dave Hildebrand says it will.

Mansfield Hollow Cross 10-19-09

2009-10-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

Jon came in 2nd in his cat woo hoo! This is a super fun race. Kind of sucked being at the finish line all day though.

Probably the most unfortunate kit I have ever seen

2009-10-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

So at the last few 'Cross races I have attended/officiated I have noticed a new club/team sponsored by Geek House Bikes. As our friend Wayne says, "That is a very unfortunate kit."

It's hard to really comprehend the hideosity of this kit, the abomination that is actually is through these mere images. Imagine about 50 people all together dressed in this kit, also wearing the hat below. At Gloucester in the pouring rain, they glowed like a nuclear reactor being handled by Homer Simpson.

At first, I was so shocked that I almost thought that I should like these kits. They certainly do stand out. Additionally, the fact that their bikes ACTUALLY match the atrocious kit is kind of cool. I even told an acquaintance who was sporting one that perhaps it would grow on me. It hasn't. Today, at Mansfield Hollow Cross, where I was scoring not spectating *sigh* there was a GeekHouse dude in the Cat 1-2-3. The last race of the day when the officials and the fans are a little slap happy. The dude was in a bit of a spring with a Hup dude. A spectator shouted, "C'mon man! You can't let that freak show in a clown suit catch you!" We all about peed our pants laughing! Very unofficial of us, but OMG! Look at this nightmare! I gotta get a close up pic at the next race of a few of them fully kitted with the ugly hat and the funny shoes and all.

Until then, let me know your thoughts on this kit. Retro/cool- that this fangirl just doesn't get? Or, the product of an LSD/Crack induced nightmare?

Grand Prix of Gloucester Day 1

2009-10-16T16:45:00.001-07:00

Kind of a documentary I guess. We had a great time with Nikki, J-Pow- and tons of other awesome people. Jon is working on the Day 2 pro race right now.

Nick Wilson Memorial Bike/Skate Park

2009-10-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Nick Wilson was my nephew. He was EOD (explosive ordinance removal) for the U.S. Navy. I always called him the bomb sniffing dog. He was in the elitist of the elite units. They would go in before the president spoke anywhere if they were in country and make sure all was good.

He was in his second Tour in Iraq. Nick was 25 years old and passionate and an expert in his field. The terrorists had just come up with rigging Explosives to detonate with cell phones from a distance. Nick was approaching a bomb for disposal and a terrorist watched his approach and deliberately killed Nick and blinded his comrade who was behind him.

We've been trying to get this bike/skate park going for a few years. Many thanks to NIKE, the kid who wrote the essay and everyone who helped and contributed to this skate park. We love you Nick.

Even though I'm still not a fan

2009-10-09T02:58:00.001-07:00

photo: Nikki

of Jonathan Page. Check out this analysis by Adam Meyerson from CycleSmart. Adam is a seasoned pro and a pretty smart dude. The "crash heard round the word" was a bit of a sucker punch by TJ. Adam goes on to explain why my boy J-Pow is so awesome and popular in and our of the peloton. J-Pow is just a classy dude. For him to pose as an airport ninja with this old broad gives him some points in my book.

Please look at "the sandpit" vid in super slo-mo and let me know your thoughts in the poll on the right.

Jon Page Crashes at Gloucester Cyclocross GP Day 2 from Cosmo Catalano on Vimeo.

Not a Fan

2009-10-07T16:35:00.000-07:00

Well I imagine I'll get some flames for this one, but I just can't get behind Jonathan Page. The dude is a great 'Cross rider- don't get me wrong, but he's kind of whiney IMHO. Met him in Gloucester and he was nice enough, although I was of course rooting for my boys J-Pow, TJ, and Jamey Driscoll. Also my husband's buds, Ricky and Matt- who were lapped of course.

Anyhow, watch these videos in order. The first Jonathan Page disses the doods in Cross Vegas. Calls them Lame. The second shows TJ and Jonathan Page bobbling in the sand pit on Day 2 of 2009 Gloucester. If I'm not mistaken I hear the word motherf*****. Not that there's anything wrong with cursing at a 'Cross race. BTW- I seriously miss Monkey man who has been replaced by Gordan's Fisherman dood holding a giant flag with a picture of a goat head and a trash can.

Moving on the second to last vid shows Jonathan Page whining in the post race interview of Day 2 Gloucester where he was the middle of a Cyclocross World Cannondale sandwich between TJ and J-Pow- with Jamey coming in 4th.

Finally, check out the J-Pow post-race interview. His view of the events seems a bit more realistic to me. After all Cyclocross IS about bumping and grinding. Also had to stick this in because I *heart* J-Pow and it's always hilarious when he sings.

Let me know your thoughts. You know how much I value them.

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt

I have not forgotten........

2009-09-15T12:25:00.001-07:00

ANDY SCHLECK

Is still the Best Bike Racer in the Universe........

He LET AC win!!!!!!!

Thanks for reminding me, H.

Lars Boom is gonna win Paris-Roubaix

2009-09-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

Here's what I have to say.

First of all, how can Lars Boom be "The Condor?" I mean I know he's like 6'2" and everything, but isn't Gesink already "The Condor?" So is there like Condor 1 and Condor 2 or something?

Now onto Boom Boom. The kid is amayyyyzing! Maybe not the best climber or anything, but I def see him as a one day specialist.......including the Hell of the North....Paris-Roubaix.

The focus this dude had in the Vuelta today was beyond his tender 23 years! He rode it like an ITT! No soft pedaling here. That's not how World Champions roll. You heard? Aaiight?

The dude can ride 'Cross so he doesn't just talk the talk IMHO. Listen to the song below and check the vid and tell me this dude does not rock!

I'M ABOUT TO GO BOOM!

The top 10 Reasons Why I Be Hatin' On Cav

2009-09-08T16:01:00.001-07:00

photo: Casey B. Gibson ToM stage 2 9-8-09

He says he is the fastest man in the world.
He is the fastest man in the world (for some reason #s 1 and 2 make me want to bang my head against the wall.)
He worships the ground that Erik Zabel treads upon...bleegggh!
He got all Emo when he heard Big George was going to BMC next year. Yeah right...now he won't have the most awesomest best leadout dude in the biz working for him anymore. We know you are emotionless Mr. Man from Mann!
He has an antagonistic relationship with Mr. Lovelylocks, crash your race car in Monaco, Filippo Pozzato. Who can't love this permed, frosted, italian speed freak?
Just look at him.
He just plain wins too much. Kind of takes away the fun for me. It's like "oh Cav's racing- might as well just watch "How it's Made."
He's British and even my British friend doesn't like him. That's gotta say something about his character. I have no idea what that something is, but something.
He got pissed at my boy Wiggo when he went out and got trashed after winning a track event at the 'lympics. Deal with it sonny boy. Just because Wiggo is your countryman doesn't mean he has to put down the Jim Beam for you!
He's a "trash talking fire hydrant from the Isle of Mann" Go put that in your tubulars and smoke it Manx Mouth!

Yeah Yeah I know I'm trash talking too. He can come over here if he wants me to get all up in his grill! I'll take him on head to head with My Surley- bells, cards in spokes and all! You just name the day Mr. Cavendish. I'll be ready!

Cycling fans are pumped up, but Tour of Missouri is on life support - Kansas City Star

2009-09-07T11:39:00.001-07:00

OMG! Save the Tour of Missouri People!

Cycling fans are pumped up, but Tour of Missouri is on life support - Kansas City Star

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Gotta Love Jens FA Voigt!

2009-09-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

Here's what Jens has to say about Cav and the ToM. Man-o-Man I Love Jensie!!

Saxo Bank’s Jens Voigt has a novel suggestion to keep Cavendish from winning more than one stage. “How about he wins the first stage tomorrow, and then takes the motorbike, jumps on it and keeps riding route 66. “ said Voigt as we learned that the winner of the first stage gets a Buell 1125R motorcycle. “How about that?”

How about that Fans?

Andy leaves Vuelta Sick; Vino says "Jak Sie Masz!"

2009-09-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

Andy Schleck leaves the Vuelta today just 88K into a 204K mountain stage! According to Andy he hasn't been able to eat anything ever since "Vino" Vinokourov gave him an energy bar in stage 7. Poisoning is suspected, but nothing can be proven as you can't exactly "dust for vomit" (Spinal Tap) Could the villainous Vino have done such a reprehensible thing to our young Andy just weeks before Worlds? And could Andy have been so naive as to have accepted "candy from this strange(dude)?"

Vino could not be reached for comment. Something fishy about a superstar cyclist who protects his Twitter updates if you ask me!

I mean I do and everything, but I'm just a regular kind of person and all and who really wants to see my tweets anyway?

He did say this to Cycling News "Jak sie Masz" which apparently means go Eff yourself in Kazakh. Vino is from Kazakhstan, BTW, the world's largest exporter of potassium. Could the potassium cartel be involved in this nefarious scheme to thwart the Universe's Best

Bike Racer?

Question for the reader: what is one of the main ingredients in energy bars? Potassium!

'Nuff said

Stage 4 Vuelta Garmin Guys

2009-09-01T15:20:00.003-07:00

photo: Sirotti

Do I even need to add a comment here?

Boom Boom Boom

2009-09-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Yes Lars Boom the man of the Golden Mullet is knocking my argyle socks off with his performance in the Vuelta. He's got the bike handling skills of a chanpion Cross rider AND the power of a GC contender. I'm floored. Yes, today's stage (4) was total carnage, a literal meat grinder! BUT, Boom Boom is used to that from not only Spring Classics, BUT from his incredible Cyclocross skills!

Put it this way: Jens Voigt has pure power, right? And Danny MacAskill has serious bike handling skills, right? Well if those two had a baby, it would be LARS BOOM! It would also be really weird if those two had a baby, not to mention the identity issues associated with having 2 dads.

The power of the mullet!!!!!!! Feel bad for Chris Horner. What a crap year he's had, eh?

That crash at the roundabout took out EVERYBODY! Unbelievable.

PS: I think the mullet is only for 'Cross season as Boom Boom seems to be sans mullet by my estimation for the Vuelta.

Now you must listen to this song in honor of mullet man of the Vuelta 2009---LARS BOOM!!!

Tommeke: Just another consumer.....

2009-08-26T06:09:00.001-07:00

Agence France Presse - file photo

If your thing is gone and you wanna ride on; cocaine.
Dont forget this fact, you cant get it back; cocaine.
She dont lie, she dont lie, she dont lie; cocaine.

She dont lie, she dont lie, she dont lie; cocaine. ~ Eric Clapton

So the lovely Tommeke has to pay a 1000 euros and is being treated as "just another consumer of drugs." The powers that be have decided not to make an example of Tommy Boy. To me this is OK. It's not OK that Tommeke appears to suffer from addiction, but it is OK that they will call off the villagers with the torches and scythes and such. Let the dude ride his bike. Eventually, he will either deal with his addiction or it will bring him down. Hopefully the former. So what does this mean for pro cycling? Who the hell knows. What does it mean for Tommeke? He won't be able to consume the few grams that 1000 euros would buy. Do you think he's going to stop snorting? I don't know. Good luck to Tommeke.

J-Pow trash talking Wicknasty! Who is the better StinMaster?

2009-08-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

Here's what I like to see!

2009-08-23T08:44:00.001-07:00

photos: Bart Hazen

Surfer dude, multi-lingual, as fast if not faster than Manx Mouth- Tyler Farrar on the podium with a bunch of Argyle clad skinny boys leading the peloton. Go Tyler- killing Eneco! Go Garmin! Love you Argyle clad fellas.

Performance- that's the name of the game

2009-08-22T07:21:00.001-07:00

Rumors, Allegations, and other balderdash

2009-08-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

My paparazzi sources have been keeping a close eye on what will be happening to all of our favorite boys ( and those who are not so much) After all September is coming quick and contracts may be made, broken, or put out on some riders (you feel me?)

Johan Bruyneel and Sir Lance the Mellow Yellow wristband producer were seen recently at the dining establishment above. Apparently it was a clandestine meeting deciding the future roster and nefarious plans of the new team CrapShack- purveyor of electronic items that break within one week. Lance had the scallops BTW. Hope that cook washed his hands since last night.

My sources followed Bruyneel and Sir Lance who were riding in the above vehicle. This indicates an additional sponsor for the new team of good ole boys. (The slogan on the back window reads: Body Piercing Saved my Life) As you can see deals have been made with the Obama administration to purchase all of the "Klunkers" to use as team cars. Not right! Appropriate for a boy from the great state of Texas IMHO. Sources close to the team say that body piercing is effective in treating some types of cancer. Piercings will also allow Bruyneel and Lance to lead the rest of the roster around by the noses, and will work well when connected via a chain during TTTs.

Random plug: Anyway, buy this portrait of young Aniken Schleck from my friend Rob Ijbema Painting le Tour. Mention my name and I'm sure he'll double the price for you. Just kidding, Rob is awesome.

Listen, according to another blogger (if it's on the internet it must be true right?) Andy S. was the FIRST rider in the pro peloton that sir Lance the Magnificent schmoozed to try to buy into Crapshack. The skinny Luxembourger emphatically states that Lance can go "know" himself (in the Biblical sense- you hear me?) And that he ain't leaving Uncle Bjarne, Fab Fab, Jensie, and of course, his doppelganger, Frank.

However, rumors still fly and they are also quite fun. What if crapshack offered Andy 300 KABILLION US dollars? Would that change the sitch? What if they offered to bring Frankie along for a KABILLION dollars as well. The man from Texas has money to burn. Would Andy be happy playing second fiddle in Lance's traveling Bluegrass show? Does Frank even know how to play the mouth harp, spoons, or jug? IDK? I doubt it, but never say never people.

On another note: what will happen to AC with the villainous villain Vino vying vigorously for team leader of Astana? Would Vino sink so low as to pull a Tanya Harding on AC? One would like to have more confidence in humanity, but Astana hasn't exactly been the most supportive team for most of their riders (def a few exceptions for you know who and his cronies)

Anywho, here are my guesses for the Crapshack Roster- some are verified- some are pure conjecture on my part. You can figure out verified V conjecture on your own. You are smart folks.

TEAM CRAPSHACK 2009-2010

Emperor Lance
Popo
The littlest robot
Mini Phinney
George Hincapie
Alberto Contador (NOT)
Cadel Evans
Andreas Kloden
Chris Horner
Mick Rogers

Help me Come up with 18 more dudes to fill out this roster folks. I might even throw a couple of Garmin Argyle Water Bottles in the direction of the people who come up with the most correct names. That's a great prize! Throw me a bone and send your thoughts to mtarbox20@gmail.com. I will calculate your answers to the final roster when it is released.

Peace

Stage 17 TdF

2009-08-07T17:28:00.001-07:00

I heart this picture. Don't you? source Look and Smile Please Look how Happy Andy is for his bro!!!!!

Please help Sansen develop FAQ about cycling

2009-07-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

SHOULD BACKPACK BICYCLES BE ALLOWED IN THE PRO PELOTON?

Submit your lame, ludicrous, yet meaningful questions here and Sansen will consult her crystal ball on the summer solstice and provide answers.

Lame Cycling Questions Poll

2009 San SebastiÃÆÃÂ¡n Live Video, Route, Preview, Teams, Results, Photos

2009-07-30T13:03:00.001-07:00

Check it yo

2009 San SebastiÃÆÃÂ¡n Live Video, Route, Preview, Teams, Results, Photos

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Flippin' Hilarious interview with the Bros Schleck

2009-07-30T04:34:00.000-07:00

Anke found this one. Hilarious! Who knew Andy's middle name was Raymond? I didn't. Didn't catch Frank's middle name.

New Video that I stole from Sasha that a friend of hers made

2009-07-29T16:14:00.001-07:00

Thanks Sasha I'm sure you don't mind sharing the Andy love!

Lance Armstrong represents clash of cultures in Tour de France - The Bonus - SI.com

2009-07-29T06:51:00.001-07:00

A must read for all U.S. cycling fans!

Lance Armstrong represents clash of cultures in Tour de France - The Bonus
- SI.com

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Dear AC, Save the Drama for Your Mama

2009-07-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

Oh boy- I am going to be getting some hatin' for this post, but what should be said will be said, even if I shouldn't say it. Alberto Contador has lost his flavor for this fan girl. I am talking personality-wise, not bike-riding-wise. I have to admit that although I knew of the tensions on Team Borat, I assumed that most were caused by Mr. Super Ego Armstrong and his Guinea Pig Rescuing minion who is married to Odessa Gunn. Now, however, the other shoe has dropped. Literally, it fell off my foot and now one of the pugs is chewing on it.

Now you can look at the news from Cyclingnews and Velonews and draw some conclusions and ask some questions. First off, is this just sensasionalist sensationalism about the LA dispute with the sensational Spaniard? Is this just part two of the Lance dog and pony show? Or does Contador truly hate the man from Texas (and his own team)? After all he did deny Kloden's chance of a podium position as he played with the lovely Schleck brothers on the Col de la Colombière. Was this an innocent act on his part? Or, an attempt at world domination and screwing his own team?

Did you know that the human brain is not fully developed until age 25? I did. Let's all remember that AC is a youngster at age 26. The kid dropped out of high school to ride his bike for god's sake, so I think it's safe to say he's probably about as sharp as a bowling ball. So, like the Manx Mouth, he probably does engage mouth before brain is in gear on occasion. But if you look at this article of the press conference that was translated by someone WHO ACTUALLY SPEAKS SPANISH you might detect a different tone. Still not exactly a glowing recommendation of Lance, but not the "CONTADOR RIPS LANCE (a new arsehole)!" headlines of some other news sources.

However, and I can't back this with any evidence so don't ask me to. I clearly remember a Versus interview with Conty at the beginning of the Tour where he said that Lance was his hero growing up. So, if my memory is correct, then we can indeed accuse Contador of lying. Liar Liar Pants on Fire! Additionally, you can watch this vid of senile Sir Phil to get his insights on Contador's psychological make-up. Sir Phil works for the FBI in the off season as a serial killer profiler. The gist is that in Sir Phil's opinion (which is Lance biased and would marry Lance if Lance would have him) Contador is not a team player who races for himself.

Personally, I have lost some respect for Contador not so much because of all the soap opera drama. More so because I don't really like his squeaky voice. As for getting all PO'd because the silly French played the Danish National Anthem. Hey- laugh it off. They're dumb (and mean). Call me a bigot if you must, but What Danish rider could have possibly won? It was a stupid blunder, yes. But in the grand scheme of things- come on Alberto, you've won 4 grand tours. We all concede that as a cyclist you totally rock, so deal with it.

To wrap things up; this little soap opera is quite boring, but what the hey I might as well throw my 3 cents in. After all, it is my blog. Andy Schleck remains the best bike racer in the universe! Only reason he didn't get first is because he was trying to help his bro, Frankie.

Also, any truth to the rumors I heard wafting around the bike shop yesterday that Andy might join team Cheap Electronics that break in a week? I can't imagine the brothers separating and I can't imagine him riding in a support role for any one any more. But who knows in the world of intrigue that is cycling???? BTW- didn't Andy look cute on the podium?

Schlecked!

2009-07-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Sirotti via SteepHill

Everybody must get Schlecked.

So did you hear that Cuddles might sign on with Radio Shack? Will he be Lance's bitch do you think? Sorry to see the mouth from Manx won today. Even though he has NO CHANCE of getting green in Paris Podium. Also, some moron radio announcer called him the fastest man in the world after today's stage. HELLO! Who is wearing Green right now and who will be wearing green (with no stain- despite Cav's snarkiness) in Paris??? Thor- the God of Thunder- that's who!

Stage 16- OMG! We lost Jens and someone killed Kenny!

2009-07-23T12:17:00.003-07:00

Stage 17 Rain, Fatigue, and Mountains

First off, Cadel still sucks (really really really) Can’t wait to hear what the whiny excuse will be. Andy the Magnificent is currently in 5th (I imagine this will change when Lancey pops in the mountains today.) Wiggo- the biggest surprise of the tour for this fan girl is in 3d! That is one funny dude as well as a bloke (as my friend Helen might say if she said such things) who can ride a bike! Brother Frank is not far behind and VDV went back up to top 10! VDV is sooo the dude. He basically says he’ll support Wiggo for the podium. Now that is a team player.

Holy Cow the Green Jersey of the God of Thunder is with the leaders. Go Thor. Keep that Green Jersey out of the greedy, nasty hands of Cav- whose latest waaaa is this “ If you win that Green Jersey (Thor) in France it will have a stain on it.” What a baby. Dude the officials’ word is the word. Handle it, learn from it, and don’t cry about it. Hah- Thor is killing the front in stage 17. It would take a natural disaster, act of god, or serious crash to put the Manx Mouth back into green. But as Thor himself is a god I highly doubt any of those things will happen.

OMG- Sir Phil said the heli shot looking down looked like a “giant maggot.” He is seriously losing it. Help find a cure for alzheimers, donate to Levibot’s guinea pig rescue farm. Wonder how he feeds the rodents with only one hand. Actually feel a bit sorry for “The ‘Bot” he’s had a rough coupla years Tour-wise.

Word on the street is that Astana will be in shambles next year. Johan and the traveling Lanceberries will take their show on the road under a new name new sponsor. Hmmmmm….. Wonder what Vino thinks of this?

Tragedy struck Team SexyBank yesterday. The heart of the team, Jens Voigt, crashed out. A nasty spill that left him with wicked road rash, a broken cheekbone, and possible intercranial trauma. His team mates say he’s doing OK considering. In an interview yestrday some dumb ass reporter got Andy S. right after the race and immediately said. “ Great day for you, right Andy?” Andy’s response: “It was a horrible day dumb ass- (that was me by the way who said that) we lost Jens you idiot. (me again)”

Quote of the week: LA “ No one wanted George in yellow more than me.” Yo Lance! What’s the difference between you and god? When god wakes up in the morning, he doesn’t think he’s you! George might have wanted to see George in yellow more than you. LA also says that Big George isn’t talking to any one since the day he missed yellow by 5 sec. Let me splain you something, Lance. Maybe George is a pro who understands how competitions work. Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to YOU, Lance Armstrong.

News Flash! Kenny Van Hummel has quit the Tour. He’s been in last place since like the first day. Today, However, he also crashed. Hope he’s OK. Those bastards killed Kenny! Hope he took out a few shloogs on the way down.

More on whining: Don’t get me wrong I love and respect Carlos Sastre. BUT…….How can he possibly (with a straight face and in good conscience) be complaining that the press isn’t giving him enough coverage and/or respect as the defending champion? His performance thus far has made his name…..basically a non sequitar (sp?) Today, he seems to be desperately trying to claw his way back into contention. Yesterday it was kind of funny when Sirs Paul and Phil kept calling the group off the back (the group I fondly call- THE LOSERS) as the Sastre and Cadel group. Even though Sastre wasn’t even in that group. Yet more proof that the British commentating duo are getting to be….. let’s say….. a few sandwiches short of a complete picnic.

Now I see Andy and VDV at the back of the main group. Uh oh! Frankie seems to be having the better day of the bros. Frank attacks! I wish he wouldn’t constantly keep looking over his shoulder. First of all, given his record, he’ll probably crash. Second, he has to look right in the mug of Lance. Actually maybe that’s a good thing. Frank will sprint away in horror. Unless he wants Lance to tweet something for him. VDV is dropping off the back. Totally bummer. Andy just passed AC! He saw Wiggo and LA almost crash into each other and took advantage of the sitch and took off! Woot (sorry Helen) I knew the boy was playing possum. Unfortunately, I think Wiggo may have cracked. Come on Wiggo! VDV is sticking with him- trying to get him to bridge the gap between their group and the Schlecksters! VDV is a champ! The Garmin boys are about 35 sec back before the descent and then the final climb. What a dilemma….. Guess I’ll stick with my Schlecks even though the Garmin love is still strong! Tomorrow- the ITT will decide. I think my Schlecks are a bit leery of Wiggo and others in the ITT. Also, they’re a bit unsure of their own TT abilities. Wiggo is on Lance’s wheel now, trying to bridge the gap. Knew Lance was good for something. Thanks Lance.

OMG- Sir Phil just said “Lance is like a spring ready to pounce.” Who knew springs could pounce? I thought they just kind of went boing! He also just said “the four leaders are being chased by the four chasers.” Wow- think about that- it’s profound, really.Back to the Schlecks. Both have that Schlecky grin (or maybe a grimace of pain) that we have grown to know and love as they dance up the mountain.

On a final note in this stream of consciousness- Schlecks ruled the day- Wiggo has some time to make up tomorrow. AC is still pretty firmly in yellow. And finally, CADEL STILL SUCKS KANGAROO KNOBS!

Stage 15 Wiggo is rocking the house

2009-07-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Please bear with my stream of consciousness.

So I finally have access to some live visual coverage of le Tour. Just in time for Stage 16. Le Grand and le Petit St. Bernard- first time this route has been used since 19-thirty-flippin-nine. As Sir Phil says “ It’s no walk in Chicago.” The final descent could be serious carnage. 99 miles- Andy is in white- Alberto is in yellow- Lance has basically quit (quitter) Even though Sir Paul of Sherwood just said that as LA “comes down the mountain watch out- kapow!” Is he saying LA is going to crash????? Or are he and Sir Phil still holding on to a shred of hope that LA can pull it off? Pffft!

Wiggo is truly a wild card in this here race! Who would have thought a dude used to flinging other dudes on a track could conquer these mountains with such strength and panache! Not to mention that he is a seriously funny dude. Apparently when team Garmin took a helicopter ride over the course yesterday, DZ was terrified. Wiggo’s comments like” We’re going down- Engine one is hit!” apparently didn’t alleviate DZ’s fears. Apparently he shat his trousers. Thanks god for DZ Nuts!

Still can’t believe the crap Garmin received for attacking on the day Big George was virtual yellow. Don’t get me wrong I totally heart George, but he’s a big boy- a pro- he knows how things roll. And after all is this pee wee soccer where “everyone wins” or is this a flippin’ competition??????? I actually received some hate mail at the VDV fan club site. By the way- Steve from Montana- you are an idiot.

As I have been relying on Twitter while in the back woods of Maine my thanks go to TdF Blog ittdf and helsy for keeping me in the loop. I must admit that my evil heart filled with glee and mirth when I learned of the Manx Mouth’s DQ the other day for pushing the God of Thunder! After saying “If the others want to win, they better stop racing like juniors.” It was a delight to see Mr. “I don’t have any cycling heroes” act like a 12 year old in the spring and get a thorough spanking from Thor!

Well let the stage begin! I will give my unbiased, truthful (as always) commentary in such a way as to offend no one.

Strong men Big Jens and Fab Fab appear to be trying to get some of their boys into the lead before the first ascent. Martin Maaskant (sp?) is right there with them.

Just saw an interview with squeaky voice cuddles. He thinks his mountain bike skills will help him make up the like 58 minutes he’s currently behind. Now they’re talking to Wiggo who says that he and VDV are going to work together and whoever has a good day and good legs will go for it. Wiggo attributes to his success to not being a lazy track rider anymore. No offense to Track riders- swear to goodness Wiggo said it- not me!

Holy Crap! 5 Cols tomorrow! Shazamm! Bye Bye Cav- Hello Andy! Just had my 1st Andy sighting in the peloton. Heard that Frank has marked this stage as his. Let’s see how that goes. Here’s the question of the day: How many water bottles can Sparticus fit inside his kit for the boys? What a fine job fab fab is doing supporting the Schlecksters in the mountains. Jensie’s face also says it all. The dude is an animal. I totally heart him!

Whoa- just saw a Japanese flag on the side of the road. Are they lost? Oh no that’s right there is still a Japanese rider in the race. Watching Pellozati now. I just can’t take my eyes away from that hair. He really looks like a poodle- don’t you think?

Quote of the day: Crashy crasherton (who I love)Frank Schleck on his crash last year on these very mountains- “I’m not going to say I would have won the stage that day, but I would have.” Broken English or too many hits on the head in crashes? You decide.

Also, do not discount Christian Vande Velde who is currently 12th in the GC. I’ve read some naysayers evil chatter that he is done now, but as he said “ look for some re-shuffling of the GC in the next couple of days!” Yes he had a not so great day, but the boy can ride mountains with the best. My dream is 2 Garmins on the podium or maybe a Schleck, a Garmin, and AC. Or maybe 2 Schlecks and a Garmin. I have a lot of dreams.

Here we go up the second climb (which is actually harder IMHO) Good to see a peloton led by SexyBank and Garmin, getting really sick of looking at Astana and listening to Phil and Paul sing the praises of the team from the land of Borat. Saw my second favorite hair boy (Pippo) leading the auto bus off the back. I really can’t decide if I like the frosted Jeri curls of Pozzato and Pelozatti or the mullet wearers. Both are equally bizarre and horrifying yet fascinating. Equally fascinating is the assortment of schloogs on the mountains. I think I just saw a dude dressed like a bunny rabbit draped in an Australian flag. I strongly believe that the gendarmes should be given permission to taser, shoot, or smack these idiots who run alongside the poor riders.

Woohoo! 21 miles to go and the lead group is led by Schlecks Wiggo and VDV! Lance just launched by Frank and Christian. Oh No! Please let his legs pop! Lance to the rescue for AC. Damn it!

OUCH! Nasty Crash for Big Jensie. Please let him be OK. Astana was probably sticking pins in the SexyBank and Garmin VooDoo dolls.

Now that's a mullet!

2009-07-12T04:56:00.001-07:00

Whoa Karpets' Carpet is really rocking. It was blowing in the wind on the Col d'Aspin!

Teams Petition Against Race Radio Ban | Cyclingnews.com

2009-07-12T04:54:00.001-07:00

Teams Petition Against Race Radio Ban | Cyclingnews.com

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Gotta love Big Jens Voigt's views! How about 2 days without our chamois and our shorts, cleats on our pedals? Make us wear sneakers. How about that?

Choose one and either make it your totem or your voo doo doll

2009-07-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

Pixel People- check out Cadel's eyebrows!!!!! LMAO! Fabulous looks a little scraggly in this pic. Tommeke seems to be sporting a mohawk. Notice how the two on the end need to be placed as far apart as pixelly possible?

I predict an Astana implosion tomorrow. Anyone want to take that bet? Levi and Lance are going to try to start bitch slapping Alberto. WWJD? What would Johan do?

Go Schlecks! Go VDV! Take advantage of the unteamlymanship of the Astana roster. What we've seen so far is a thinly veiled demonstration of teamwork. Who will choose sides and what sides will be chosen? and what will the team do while Alberto dances to Victory at Ventoux and the Champs?