Whose Gloucester video is better?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Best Bike Racer in Universe.....not necessarily in France

Above: Just a quick reminder of "old Cadel" He still needs someone to shave that dern unibrow.

Above: the Schleck brothers tower over the squeaky voiced Aussie despite the lower steps on the podium. This is attributed to the fact that while being raised by wild dingoes in the outback; Cadel survived on babies stolen from Ayers Rock and vegemite sandwiches; stunting his physical growth and leaving him woefully unprepared for any kind of human interaction.

First and foremost I would like to emphasize that this blog has always been and will always maintain that Andy Schleck IS the best bike racer in the “universe.” Being the best celestial cyclist does not necessarily mean that one is automatically the best cyclist in say…….France………..in........ for example, …….the first three weeks of July. That being said; let's examine this year's le Tour.

So, Cuddles rides into gay Paris on his black BMC bike. NOT the pretty yellow bike that most NORMAL maillot jaunes use as their primary ride while donning yellow. It's been said the reason was that Cadel was superstitious and wanted to keep using the bike he pedaled through most of the Tour. There are several questions I have about this so called "superstition."

First of all Cadel rides for BMC, a Swiss company. Now when was the last time you ever heard of anything of quality made in Switzerland????? Oh yeah besides those watches and knives. Here's what I say, and remember all that I post is based on absolutely rock solid non-facts and wild suppositions. BMC stands for BICYCLE MOTOR COMBINATION!!!!! Thus, of course Cadel wants to keep using the same machine. It served him well except for that one time on the Galibier day where the mechanics forgot to gas it up. He tried to pretend his wheel was out of true, but really..............? Also, how easy would it be for the team car to to pass up bottles of petrol with unsuspecting refs thinking said bottles were full of water???????

Riders near Cadel in the peloton had been complaining for weeks about the fumes, which were first attributed to the camera motos. When that avenue had been examined and dismissed, Cadel used a clever subterfuge. He claimed that his nerves had given him a bad case of the farts. Think about it........Cadel is a known wheel sucker......he uses this to his advantage by telling other riders he's doing it as a courtesy because "CRIKEY You do NOT want to smell that, mate!"


Did you happen to notice how Cadel attacked Andy on the podium? What's up with that????? Let's not forget Cadel's violent nature that first came to public light in the 2008 Tour de France where among other things he : attacked a cameraman, elbowed a kid who just wanted to pet his lion, and chucked his helmet at a journalist. Not to mention the famous "Don't touch me!" incident below.

Above: Andy Schleck 2004 Tour of Georgia.
The year I learned about him and his universal bike riding!
Look at how cute and likable he is!

Above: Andy powers up Galibier

Some say Andy is destined to be the new Joop Zoetemelk; who came in 2nd in the TdF like a zillion times and won it one time. To you people I say this: "I BLOW MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!!" This Luxembourgish Leopard is only 26 years old while cuddles is 34. Cadel is officially, you heard it here first, THE NEW JOOP. Here's the deal...........

Andy is a genuinely likable guy. Cadel.......well.....he's just not. Andy decided in his warm heart and his stomach full of anger to give this year's tour to the prickly Aussie knowing full well that 1) Cadel needed this one win to keep him from abusing fans, reporters etc. and winding up either in jail or the loony bin. And 2) because Andy knows that he will win next year, the year after that, the year after that ad infinitum. Period. End of story.

All kidding aside. Chapeau Cadel. You rode a good race and finally had a decent team to work with. BUT don't think you will ever win again. Andy Schleck will win the next EIGHT TdFs and will break Sir Lancelot's record.



Alicia said...

HAHAHA! Loved this entry

Anne said...

Those Leopard guys running along Andy are my friends... wooohooo, they're on the Internet :)

Yvette said...

Awesome post and SO true!!

Fede said...

What a great and funny post!! I loved the final 'coup de scene'!

sansen said...

BMC needs to schedule eyebrow intervention now!

Mendip5000 said...

So that's his one time win been and gone then....