Whose Gloucester video is better?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Out of the Office


Andy Schleck is THE BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE! WHEN I GET BACK FROM THE LAND OF NO INTERWEB I WILL TELL YOU WHY.

For Now:
  1. Who has 2 stage wins in the 2010 TdF? (not Alberto Contador)
  2. Who has 0 stage wins in the 2010 Tdf? (Alberto Contador)
  3. Who won the Tourmalet part deux stage? (not Alberto Contador)
'nuff said

Also stoked to hear that Christian VDV and Tyler F. Will be riding the Vuelta. Woot!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

If it's a rule; why don't they write it down????



So again we have the German....errrr Flemish doods commentating in the vid above, but you get the picture.

Andy was leaving Alberto Contador, Smiley Menchov and Sammy S. in the dust with his attack on the hors cat Port du Bales. Pop goes his chain ring and WHAMMO Contador and the two battling for a podium position say "See you in Bagnères-de-Luchon, Andy boy. We're OUTTA here!" Andy mumbles obscenities under his breath about how you just can trust "Damn Spaniards and Russians" gets his bike sorted and off he goes.

Before we get all hot and bothered; let's do the math. I counted 32 seconds from the time the chain went to the time Andy was back on his bike (and I think I was being conservative.) Let's add another 10 seconds to Andy's conundrum as he gets back on the bike, feels it out, and actually gets moving again, OK?

Contador started the day 31 seconds down on young Schleckette. He had no Andy either on his wheel or off in the distance in front of him for the last like 10K of the stage. AC ended the day 8 seconds ahead of Andy. So Andy lost (at least) 42 seconds to his mechanical. Now subtract 31 from 42 (that leaves us with 11 seconds -for the math challenged among us.) Contador's current lead is 8 seconds, so Andy ACTUALLY MADE UP 3 SECONDS to the sneaky Spaniard. This means he royally kicked A$$ in the face of adversity and messed up mechanicals. (Wanna bet some mechanic in the Saxo team went home yesterday without a reference?)

ANDY SCHLECK IS THE BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE!!! (But I have never said he is the best Time Trialist in the Universe, so he really needs to be on point today and Thursday to get some serious time on Conty. I'm talking like 3 minutes!!!

Now let's talk about unwritten rules. Now as an "ugly American" I am exposed to other sports that do not have such chivalric "unwritten rules". For example, in Ultimate Fighting Challenge; if your competitor goes down you immediately step on his neck and crush him. In just about any other sport the "rule" is; if your opponent has a problem; ATTACK and KILL HIM!

However, I am not a fan of other sports. I am a fan of cycling where there are these "unwritten rules" of etiquette. But in this case, I have to admit I am torn. I think I am kind of siding with Twisted Spoke who says "one man’s mechanical is another man’s yellow jersey." And that yeah- there's a score to settle, but this Tour is running out of mountains.

Contador says that he did not realize the Yellow Jersey (Andy Schleck) had a mechanical. Huh??...he didn't see this six foot dood all in yellow (who he has been watching like a hawk since day 1) having chain problems on the side of the road? If you look at the vid- you see that Evil Vino (who I might have to rename) sat up immediately when he saw that Andy had a problem. Meanwhile Contador chose to attack.



The post race interview with Schleckette shows that he is righteously PISSED OFF! He has "anger in his stomach." (interesting place to have anger- I hope he transfers some of that anger to his legs today and Thursday.) My predictions include Jens FA Voigt drinking EXTRA coffee during the next two days and being a hugely pissed off mother bear protecting her cub. Jens will attack ANY HUMAN who even tries to mess with Andy the cublet.

Andy, on the other hand, will show us why he was dubbed "cycling caviar" in the 2008 TdF. Yes, he will be seeking revenge- BIG TIME- from here on out. From this day forward it is - ANYTHING GOES! "Hey Alberto! Your shoelace is untied...just kidding! You have a booger in your nose.....just kidding! What's the matter with your back wheel?? just kidding!" All rules- written or unwritten are set aside now, folks! The Saxos are OUT FOR BLOOD! And Astana will try to match them- blow for blow.



Back to "unwritten rules" If Contador didn't feel he had done something "unsportsman-like" why would he put out this youtube apology (above) to Andy last night??????? He knows that if wins this tour it will be tainted in many people's eyes because of Stage 15. (And his taint will be tainted, too, totally!) He didn't much like getting booed as he donned the yellow jersey yesterday.

Back to rules-- If it's not written down it's not a rule--it's a suggestion-- and a suggestion doesn't even hold the same weight as the warning label on my cup of McDonalds Coffee.

On the other hand, the group was pretty much the main contenders. Should they have waited for the yellow jersey..........? Well, that is still up in the air, but they SHOULD have maybe just maintained the same tempo and NOT have gone full bore to KILL Andy! Shame on you guys, Alberto, Denis and Sammy! This is probably the only sport left that is based solely on athleticism and ability, and even has an "unwritten" code of ethics. Let's not devolve into (insert any ball sport here)

Let's watch the fireworks today and see what happens.

"Nuff Said

Monday, July 19, 2010

Goddammit!!!!!!!!!

photo: Bettini
Andy is royally POd after a mechanical on stage 15

Damn chain! You watch though--- Tomorrow SaxoBank is going to be PISSED and out for blood. You know who I see being really pissed????? Jens FA Voigt. Guarantee he will do whatever it takes to get Andy back into yellow. Tomorrow will be bery, bery interesting.......

Oh- congrats to Voeckler.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Head Butt that was heard round the world


Above: the 3d head-butt



above: Renshaw messing with Tyler's line. Uncool dood. Uncool.



You can see the head-butting pretty OK above. Below, if you have patience, and you don't mind listening to some German doods who are apparently in love with Bernard Eisel, you can see how Renshaw messes with Tyler F.'s line as well. Here's another vid that shows the head-butt if you're interested.




As Sansen has probably already said somewhere on the interweb, if she can get away from her Tweeting and Quilting Tour. This is going to be Cavendish Banana's latest excuse for how "the establishment" "the men in black" --whoever --are trying to undermine his Tour. Excuse me Mark, but no one gives a rat's butt about your tour. (I do like the dood who holds your umbrella for you during the post-race interviews though.) We only care about the Andy and Albert Show!

BTW- Andy How come you are not taking my advice and adding 10 seconds a day to your lead on Contador?

Mark Renshaw is a putz! (Doucheclamation Point!) Hope he has a good trip home. Now I understand that sprinting is tough and as Sir Phil says "full of argy bargy!" But, Renshaw needs to take his ass back to the sheep farm in New South Wales. Has HTC Columbia begun to think they are above the rules? Plus Renshaw is a BALD FACED LIAR. You tell me that head butting Julian Dean 1-2-yes 3 times is not intentional!!! And messing with Tyler's line? Oh yeah- that was totally "accidental." NOT! At first Kiwi guy, Julian Dean didn't seem to phased, but after watching the overhead he and Tyler (surfer dood) Farrar were righteously pissed.

I agree with the Official that said "This is a Bike Race (for Pete's sake) not a Gladiator's Arena! I didn't see any Christians or lions, did you???"

Shame on you Mark Renshaw! DQ is entirely deserved. To all Trolls!--Don't even try to write a comment that compares Renshaw's actions to those of the two little hill climbers in "That Fight." Renshaw could have taken out a LOT of doods. Barredo and Costa's escapades could have taken out 2-3 people tops.

Renshaw's latest Tweet : Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 4:48 EST
markrenshaw1 I think today's punishment was very harsh. I never imagined that i would ever be dq'd from the tdf. Very disappointed.
Mark Renshaw is a DB!
HTC Columbia are Bananas-Cavendish Bananas!--Nuff Said

Today's funny Tweets

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Kudos to Joe Biker for finding this one

You Got Schlecked - the movie. Nice production Joe Biker !!!


Fun on a Rest Day

Thanks to Kimberly for this jewel. Big Jens, Andy, and Stewey O'Grady discuss important issues like who drinks the most coffee? Who is the most grumpy in the morning? Etc. Enjoy!

We don't believe you are grumpy in the morning, Jensie!!

BTW- Whose kids are screaming in the background? Jensie?


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

It's the Andy and Albert SSHHOOOOW!


"How come no one will help me zip this damn Yellow Jersey up? Geez, I just killed myself today! Can someone do me a solid?"


OK Schleck Fans- here's the plan. Andy has to chip away at Alberto Contador a little bit each day. I figure he needs 2:30 over AC going into the final TT to have some wiggle room. That's 100 more seconds. 10 seconds a day kiddo, doable? Hell yeah!


It is officially the Andy and Alberto show now folks. I know I know- some of you will say "Wait a minute! There're like 10 stages left! Le Tour is not fin!" Well it is for a certain Cuddly Australian. Wiggo is in the maybe I can get a stage win mentality. Basso is like "Hey, I already won one GT this year, WTF?" The only potential, possible, yet very unlikely threats come from the dour russian and the littlest robot. From here on out we're going to see AS and AC duking it out on a daily basis.


Andy has already shown that Contador is fallible. AC cracked on Stage 8 and could not match Andy's accelerating attack. Now we need to see Andy taking advantage of that on a daily if not minutely basis. I'm thinking prank phone calls to AC's room at all hours. Knocks on the door at 3AM that say "Doping Control" Contacor answers the door in his skivvies and a group of Schleck fans yell "Just kidding!" Mind games- that's what is going to decide this tour.


I was actually sorry to see Cuddles pop today. As usual he did it in a dramatic fashion. Yes he has a broken elbow, but hell, I gave birth to a child and I didn't cry. Geez. Show some restraint there dood.


Thanks a lot Steephill.tv/Reuters I really need this image in my head. Shloogs were out in force today, folks.


Gotta give some props to big Jensie Voigt. He made the initial break so that he could fall back to help Schleckette on the Madeleine. Good show Jens. JV "When the mind says I am too tired I need to stop, I just say shut up mind! Don't listen, legs! You keep pedaling!" JV= the godfather of the peloton!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Review and Reflect

AFP photo
Andy's first TdF Stage win! Stage 8, July 11, 2010. Killed it in the Cols!

ANDY......SCHLECK.....IS......THE.....BEST......BIKE.....RACER.....IN......THE.......UNIVERSE!!!! He is 20 seconds behind Cuddles Evans and shaved 10 seconds off Cuddles' previous lead. Enjoy yellow for a while, Cuddles, a very short while, because Andy Schleck will be wearing it on the Champs! Contador was no match for Andy's attack--the other big names watched in wonder, awe and perplexity.

Now on to other happenings.

Lance has popped. Yesterday demonstrated that he is now in a support roll for Levi the Littlest Robot. No amount of massage, Cavendish Bananas, or blood bags (thank for your offer anyway, Dr. Fuentes) is going to get Lance back into any kind of position to even make the top 10. I thought I would be jumping up and down with glee, but I'm actually kind of teary eyed. NOT!!!!!

photo of the week

Really though, the dood is a legend and the only cyclist that non cyclists and non cycling fans have even heard of. Can't wait for "The End of an Era" special I see coming on Versus with Phil and Paul. Possibly today. Must check TV listings. Below is a crappy video of one of Lance's many crashes yesterday. This is the one on the round-a-bout If I wasn't lazy I would search for vid of the mountain top crash. What was that all about??? Seriously, who crashes on TOP of a mountain?

I do have a sneaky suspicion though- my gut says Lance will throw in the towel before the end of le Tour. I'm willing to take bets. Any takers?

Below: 3 Lance crashes in SloMo including the mountain-top fender bender with the Euskatel dood 13K from finish. If you watch the last crash closely you can see that Sorensen's leg actually kept Lance from going down on to the Euskatel dood. Lance puts his hands on hips and immediately called his assistant, Alphonse.

LA: "Alphonse, get Euskatel on the horn and tell them NO MORE musettes--only bananas! Oh yeah and send Sorenson a Livestrong wristband. The kid took the fall for me. Oh yeah- you can clear up my schedule for the next two weeks I'll be free."



Next up---Poor Robbie McEwen! This dood has been put through the hamburger grinder in the 2010 Tour! Really can't blame him for his vulgarity after some dumb ass journalist jumped in front of him AFTER THE FINISH LINE on July 9. Vid below- just the first min or so- after that it's a Cavendish Banana Mush Festival which you can choose to watch or turn off at your pleasure.




On to-- "That Fight" Below are some quick vids from a couple of different angles. Carlos Barredo (QuickStep) and Rui Costa (Caisse D'Epargne) just cracked me up on multiple levels. First of all, the wheel smack was classic. Who thinks of a bicycle wheel as a weapon in a "spontaneous" brawl? It reminded me of a bitch slap minus the flying weave. The last video shows other riders reactions to "That Fight" and is highly amusing. "Two little hill climbers having a slap fest!"



Above: Angle 1


Above: Angle 2

Below are some responses to "That Fight" that are just flippin Hilarious!

Enjoy the rest day! Get some work done for god's sake! You've been sitting in front of that computer screen and/or TV for 2 weeks straight! Go outside and work on your cyclist tanlines!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Allez Andy!



Can you say BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE?????!!!!!

Because that's who I'm talking about! Andy Schleck won the stage, and is currently 2nd in the GC 20 seconds behind the cuddly Cadel Evans. Not to worry though. Our happy go lucky Schleckette of Luxenbourg will bury Cuddles when the time is right. I'm thinking playing some headgames with Cuddles might be in order for the coming stages. First, Andy can get him mad, then he can start destabilizing the Aussie's confidence. Maybe start with some "your mama" jokes. Follow those with some "I fart in your general direction" Monty Pythonesque derision and Cadel will be biting the head off any fan or journalist within reach. That Credit Lyonaisse Lion will be smacked around some fer sher.

BTW- did anyone else notice that they couldn't get Cuddles off the podium today? Also, bye bye Lance!

Andy baby also showed some cracks in the Contador armor. I mean, c'mon! Alberto had like a dozen doods working for him. Andy had Fulsgang (thank god for Fulsgang!) and he was Fulsgangless for the final kilometers- totally on his own. What does our boy do? Takes a look at AC and says "you coming?" as Schleckette takes off. AC tried to hang and could not do it.

Be strong and conquer young Luxenbourgish Velociraptor! The fangirls of the universe applaud your bubbly beaudaciousness!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ryder's on a roll


Ryder's on a roll

Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not I. Still can't pronounce or spell Ryder's last name, but he is certainly proving to rock at the 2010 TdF! A Canadian no less! I thought they all played hockey- who knew?

Here's hoping he can hand evil Cuddles his A$$ in a musette as the Tour continues to unfold. My prediction--Ryder will be top 5.

Top 10 predictions:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Alberto Contador
3. Wiggo (yes he will make a miraculous come back)
4. Ryder Hesjesjesedjesjal
5. Evil Vino
6. Cuddles
7. Daivid Millah
8. Smiley Menchov
9. Gerant Thomas (not sure he can hang til the end)
10. Chris Horner (I know- a long shot, but I like him)

*note- there is no Lance in the above list

Friday, July 9, 2010

AC/AS Commercial HILARIOUS!!!!!


Gotta check this "I am Specialized" Commercial!" Featuring Alberto Contador and Andy Schleck. Laughing My A$$ Off!

Also funny- Andy playing with Cuddles' head. Young Schleckette doesn't consider the Cuddly Aussie a "fer real and fer shiz" contender for the GC. You know Cadel is fuming!

Although I must admit (even tho I hate to) Cuddles has added a bit of attacking to his typical wheel sucking repertoir.

As you all must realize I am in serious grieving for poor VDV and Frank. Fangirls United should do something for the 2 of them. Any ideas?