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Friday, August 21, 2009

Rumors, Allegations, and other balderdash

My paparazzi sources have been keeping a close eye on what will be happening to all of our favorite boys ( and those who are not so much) After all September is coming quick and contracts may be made, broken, or put out on some riders (you feel me?)

Johan Bruyneel and Sir Lance the Mellow Yellow wristband producer were seen recently at the dining establishment above. Apparently it was a clandestine meeting deciding the future roster and nefarious plans of the new team CrapShack- purveyor of electronic items that break within one week. Lance had the scallops BTW. Hope that cook washed his hands since last night.

My sources followed Bruyneel and Sir Lance who were riding in the above vehicle. This indicates an additional sponsor for the new team of good ole boys. (The slogan on the back window reads: Body Piercing Saved my Life) As you can see deals have been made with the Obama administration to purchase all of the "Klunkers" to use as team cars. Not right! Appropriate for a boy from the great state of Texas IMHO. Sources close to the team say that body piercing is effective in treating some types of cancer. Piercings will also allow Bruyneel and Lance to lead the rest of the roster around by the noses, and will work well when connected via a chain during TTTs.

Random plug: Anyway, buy this portrait of young Aniken Schleck from my friend Rob Ijbema Painting le Tour. Mention my name and I'm sure he'll double the price for you. Just kidding, Rob is awesome.

Listen, according to another blogger (if it's on the internet it must be true right?) Andy S. was the FIRST rider in the pro peloton that sir Lance the Magnificent schmoozed to try to buy into Crapshack. The skinny Luxembourger emphatically states that Lance can go "know" himself (in the Biblical sense- you hear me?) And that he ain't leaving Uncle Bjarne, Fab Fab, Jensie, and of course, his doppelganger, Frank.

However, rumors still fly and they are also quite fun. What if crapshack offered Andy 300 KABILLION US dollars? Would that change the sitch? What if they offered to bring Frankie along for a KABILLION dollars as well. The man from Texas has money to burn. Would Andy be happy playing second fiddle in Lance's traveling Bluegrass show? Does Frank even know how to play the mouth harp, spoons, or jug? IDK? I doubt it, but never say never people.

On another note: what will happen to AC with the villainous villain Vino vying vigorously for team leader of Astana? Would Vino sink so low as to pull a Tanya Harding on AC? One would like to have more confidence in humanity, but Astana hasn't exactly been the most supportive team for most of their riders (def a few exceptions for you know who and his cronies)

Anywho, here are my guesses for the Crapshack Roster- some are verified- some are pure conjecture on my part. You can figure out verified V conjecture on your own. You are smart folks.

  1. Emperor Lance
  2. Popo
  3. The littlest robot
  4. Mini Phinney
  5. George Hincapie
  6. Alberto Contador (NOT)
  7. Cadel Evans
  8. Andreas Kloden
  9. Chris Horner
  10. Mick Rogers
Help me Come up with 18 more dudes to fill out this roster folks. I might even throw a couple of Garmin Argyle Water Bottles in the direction of the people who come up with the most correct names. That's a great prize! Throw me a bone and send your thoughts to mtarbox20@gmail.com. I will calculate your answers to the final roster when it is released.



Bianca23 said...

Wow, what a good restaurant for Bruyneel and LA. They must have felt that they were at the right place there.

I've read somewhere that LA only wanted Andy for CheapElectronics and not Frank, because "Frank would hold Andy back in his development". Right...look who's talking. Anyway, Andy will never ride at a team without his brother (also read that somewhere). And I don't think all the money in the world can convince him to go to RS because Andy and Frank don't care that much about money that they would leave one another (thankfully they don't have the character of the Twitterholic).

Maggie said...

Twitterholic- hee hee

How about 100 kabillion dollars? The boys could buy a lot of fishing holes with those kind of Benjamins.

Personally, I'm ok with that restaurant provided they wash their hands before returning to the kitchen.

Anonymous said...

I thought Andy already said no to LA and RS... I read that somewhere. But I'm not sure.
I agree with Bianca. I don't think Andy will leave Frankie.
Why money if you have a brother like Frank?

sansen said...

100 kabillion dollars--pray tell, is that in Spaceballs Spacebucks, Kick-Ass Republic of Texas, Oh Canadian, or American currency?

As for the Crapshack, I wonder if Floyd Landis and/or the Beverly Hillbillies will come a-callin'...

Bunny mcDougal said...

I heard that the 100 kabillion offer included LA's mother adopting Andy, so that he could be Lances brother in stead of Fränks. AS replied through his agent "I would rather have both legs amputated above the knee".