Submit your lame, ludicrous, yet meaningful questions here and Sansen will consult her crystal ball on the summer solstice and provide answers.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Lance Armstrong represents clash of cultures in Tour de France - The Bonus
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Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Everybody must get Schlecked.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Please bear with my stream of consciousness.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
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Gotta love Big Jens Voigt's views! How about 2 days without our chamois and our shorts, cleats on our pedals? Make us wear sneakers. How about that?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
- Cav did not win. I wish I could find a picture of the little green leprechaun. His kit was hilarious today. For those of you who care "Green is his yellow." Additionally, gotta love this Cav quote, "If they want to win then they shouldn't race like juniors."
- This should really be number 1, but I'm too lazy to switch it up. Voeckler deserves it! He stayed in that break from the get go. Chapeau to Voeckler!
Yep, c'est tout. That's all, folks. (YOU'RE AN IDIOT!)
The war is over for everybody except Astana, the team of Lance Armstrong, which won Tuesday's team time trial. (THE BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL HAS JUST BEGUN! CONTADOR CAN WIN BECAUSE I LIKE HIM, BUT LANCE?- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!)
Armstrong erased almost all of his 40-second deficit to leader Fabian Cancellara of Switzerland in the fourth stage. (SO DID HIS TEAMMATES MORON!)
So what about Aussie Cadel Evans, second in the last two Tours? He's riding for exercise now. (WELL THAT'S TRUE) Ditto defending champion Carlos Sastre (DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE DUDE!) and the Giro d'Italia winner Denis Menchov.
"We did the maximum," said Armstrong, who's now less than three-tenths of a second out of the yellow jersey for an eighth summer,(AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY, DUDE) a decade after he wore it for the first time.
His Astana mates are lined up in third (Alberto Contador) (EXCUSE ME MR. KNOW IT ALL- CONTADOR IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE TEAM), fourth (Andréas Klöden) and fifth place (Santa Rosa resident Levi Leipheimer) behind him, separated by a mere 38 seconds.
Sorting out which one gets to stand in the middle is going to make for a breathlessly riveting last two weeks. Armstrong, the seven-time winner going for an eighth after returning from a 31/2-year retirement, predicted it's going to come down to who crosses the finish line atop Mont Ventoux July 25, (OH SO EVEN LANCE DOESN'T THINK IT'S OVER! NO SHIT DUMBASS! SO WHO ARE YOU TO CALL IT QUITS NOW. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO COMMENTATING ON BEACH VOLLEYBALL OR SOMETHING?)the day before the ceremonial final ride into Paris.
So he told Contador that Tuesday's mission was total unity(YEAH RIGHT!) and perfect harmony. In other words, forget what had happened Monday (LOOK INTO MY EYES- FORGET MONDAY- FORGET MONDAY- YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO. WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU WILL BE MY SERVANT) - when Armstrong caught his young Astana friend napping and left him choking on his dust. And forget what's about to happen, a certain mano-a-mano battle between the two of them in the Pyrénées mountains.
"My point to Alberto was, 'Let's ride perfect and make this race almost impossible to win for others,' " Armstrong said. "I think we can say we accomplished that. The Tour is finished for some riders. I won't go into names. No disrespect, but it's difficult to make up those times."
Andy and Franck Schlecks(PLEASE AT LEAST DON'T ADVERTISEYOUR IDIOCY BY SPELLING THEIR LAST NAME INCORRECTLY), Cancellara's Saxo Bank teammates, are 1:41 and 2:17 behind. Sastre is at 2:44 and Rabobank's Menchov, who had another almost comically bad day by crashing into a barrier, is at 3:52.
Perhaps if they were chasing only Armstrong or only Contador, maybe a miracle could happen. But the chances that both Armstrong and Contador - never mind Klöden and Leipheimer - will come unglued are slim indeed.
Armstrong leads Contador by 19 seconds, but the issue of the team's leadership remains unsettled nonetheless. Contador, 26, the 2007 Tour winner, is conceding nothing.
Once the hard climbing begins in earnest, Armstrong and Contador can't both be protected by the Astana mates. Who gets protected, plus when and how, is the intriguing challenge confronting Astana strategist Johan Bruyneel going forward.
The unusual circumstances are going to make for some extremely interesting team dinners in the days to come. Armstrong admitted missing out on the yellow was "a little bit of a disappointment" but conceded the team couldn't have executed its game plan any better.
The 37-year-old Armstrong even offered a public apology Tuesday to Sastre and former U.S. Postal Service teammate Christian Vande Velde, who finished fifth last year, for calling the 2008 race outcome "a joke" because of its weakened field.
"I was disrespectful to Carlos Sastre and Christian Vande Velde and guys who were a presence in last year's Tour," Armstrong said. "That was not correct. This is not easy. It won't be easy if I'm lucky enough to win again. (NOW THAT IS CERTAINLY A HALF-ASSED APOLOGY- I'D LIKE TO SEE A BUNCH OF FLOWERS AND MAYBE A CARD ATTACHED TO IT)
"Today, I'm realistic. I've got both feet on the ground. I'm not going to get last, but it won't be like 2004, 2005, 2001. It's going to be a hell of a lot harder than I expected. That's as honest as I can say it."
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Look at the man in the upper right and then at the man in the bottom left. Analyze, compare, contrast, evaluate. Which one looks pissed off to you? And BTW- does the dude to LA's left look kind of like Rob Lowe or what?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Stage 1 ITT start times and order for the last 41 riders
16:00 Van Hummel 16:17 Armstrong 16:34 Farrar 16:35 Posthuma 16:36 Larsson 16:37 Leipheimer 16:52 Grabsch 16:54 Millar 16:55 Freire 17:38 Zubeldia
17:46 Bruseghin 17:52 Cavendish 17:55 Gesink 17:56 F. Schleck 18:04 Devolder 18:08 Pereiro 18:14 Zabriskie 18:17 Kloeden 18:24 Boonen 18:28 Iván Gutiérrez
18:30 Nibali 18:32 Rogers 18:34 Vande Velde 18:35 Clement 18:36 A. Schleck 18:39 Hushovd 18:41:30 Gerdemann 18:43 Moreau 18:44:30 Karpets 18:46 Chavanel
18:52 Sánchez 18:55 Pellizotti 18:56:30 Efimkin 18:58 Kirchen 18:59:30 Astarloza 19:01 Wiggins 19:02:30 Menchov 19:04 Cancellara 19:05:30 Contador 19:07 Evans 19:08:30 Sastre
- Alberto Contador (duh- and you know those tacky Astana duds will be coming off the minute he hits the Champs!)
- Frandy Schleck (both brothers count as one so my team gets an extra rider :P)
- Christian Vande Velde (but of course)
- Jens F-ing A Voigt (he will be there to offer wisdom and sometimes just to yell)
- Big George Hincapie (Can't have a serious team without 14 time TdF rider Big George)
- Tyler Farrar (He will be going for the Sprinter's Jersey and will smash the mouth from Mann over and over again.)
- Carlos Sastre (Loving the "dope" new Cervelo TT Kit)
- Dave Zabriskie (Really- how can you have a team without DZ? He can sing gospel songs to the boys as they trudge their way through the Alps.)
- Yaroslav Popovych ( I just so heart Poppo- he makes me laugh and is "strong like bull." He and Jensie will be the backbone, foundation, keystone, what have you, of my fantasy team.)