Whose Gloucester video is better?

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday Silly Quiz


How much is the seller asking for this monstrous, hideously bizarre, fixie? 
  1. 900$ US
  2. 1500$ US
  3. 80$ US
  4. Free to a good home

The following was not used to describe this fixed gear bicycle on craigslist:
  1. This bike will rock your world
  2. Maybe you're Lance Armstrong and you're looking for a more bad ass way to train
  3. 100% Hemp saddlebags come with the bike
  4. Equipped with a flippy floppy rear hub for all the sallies out there

What does the term "getting Schlecked" mean?
  1. having sexual intercourse with a person with the last name of Schleck
  2. to get left a humiliated jello legged mess feeling like you're rolling backwards on a climb
  3. to fall into a pool during a photo shoot
  4. to crash yourself out of contention


So I am kind of stealing...errrr...adapting this quiz thing from Bike Snob. I love that dude's blogs. He sure hates fixies.

Here's how it works. You will get an image (sometimes.) and a question. You will have 4 choices. Whenever you choose the wrong answer you will have to watch and listen to the Triathlon Song . This will get really old real fast, so get those answers right! 

The picture above comes from the 2008 Tour de France. As of July 23, 2008; how Many times did Cadel have public outbursts during the TdF that indicated he has serious anger management issues

Friday, February 27, 2009

The Yellow Devil Speaks

So here is what the yellow devil has to say for his "live clean-let's wipe out the whole peloton by sticking giant turkey basters at them- antics during the 2009 Amgen Tour of California. My commentary is in tiny print within the contents of his post.

"Chris,

This is the Yellow Devil in Question (why are you using so many capital letters Mr. Devil?). First off...YES!, (what's up with the comma after the exclamation point?) It was Lance that shoved me down in the snow I guess he didn't like the "Live Clean" banner on the back of my cape.(No- he didn't like the fact that if you tripped you could have taken out the whole peloton- you idiot- not to mention the fact that Lance is kind of a dick.)

Don't get me wrong. I Love Cycling, (again, too many caps and commas- Dude, read Eat, Shoots And Leaves) and have been one myself (really? you have been a cycling- I thought that was a gerund- never knew it was a noun, but what do I know?) since my brother got me my Bianchi Spelissimo (note to readers- there is no such bike as a Bianchi Spelissimo, dumbass- do you mean a Specialissima? Have you turned the poor old thing into a fixie? Do you have fenders, racks and a bell?) back in 1989. Greg LeMond is one of my heros (spelled wrong)...although, Miguel Indurain was quite a great cyclist when they were battling. I just want to see Lance come clean and retire already. (OK- I'm with you on this one YD) There are many cyclists these days that I would like to see succeed, and he has done his time, and done well. Let some new blood come up. (I hope you don't mean that literally- I mean, after all, you are carrying around scary looking turkey baster syringes and jabbing them at the nice young riders.

-D"


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nice Andy pic

Andy Schleck 2009 Tour of California

Monday, February 23, 2009

Some Pics from Niks



Above is a pic of Sansen's boyfriend, Neal Rogers, pointing at something that we can't see.


Andy in the Peloton: Graham Watson

Andy's Tush as he grabs a newspaper from a fan: Graham Watson


Andy heading into the Team bus: Thanks Nikki!



Oakley Twitches are all the rage for Big George -above and Brad Huff - Below Nikki took the Brad Huff pic.


Nikki was at the ToC for Stages 5-7! She caught a few of our boys on film! Nikki- YOU ROCK!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I Won!


I won Yesterday's Caption Contest on cycling.tv the Innertube.  Woot! I get an Innertube Waterbottle signed by Magnus Backstedt and a pound of Maggy's coffee. Woot double Woot!


My Boy VdV



My Home Boy- Christian Vande Velde won the most courageous rider jersey after Yesterday's stage (7). He rode like hell and was in the lead group with our boy Frankie S. until coming off the final descent and into the circuit and getting a puncture. Luckily the Garmin mechanics are awesome and super duper fast! (it wasn't my homeboy Tom Hopper, and possible relative, who changed VdV's tire.) Anywho, Christian made it back up to the leaders and kicked some serious ass until those young punks fired off on some kind of jet fuel and came in 1-2-3. Oh yeah- another example of stupidity or perhaps inexperience was when Chris Baldwin Rock Racing took Big George's feed bag from the Columbia Feed Guy. You could see George yelling at the dumbass, who returned said feedbag/bottle to its rightful owner. I think Michael Ball is saving money, to keep those big Cadillacs rolling, by telling his riders to take others' feedbags.

I really wish Big George Hincapie could have won yesterday, but alas, it was not to be. He won stage 7 in last year's tour. 7-8-9 were Big George, Frankie and VdV respectively. 
 


See how nice Christian is? (above) Signing autographs before stage 5. 


Here's Christian with yesterday's winner Rinaldo Nocentino ...or something like that from AG2R. Looking forward to L'Alpe d'HuCali today. Nikki has promised me that she is snapping away with pics (she's out there...grrrr) So as soon as she uploads I will of course share.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

One pic of yellow devil i missed......


Check out who is in the background laughing........Andy Schleck the Best Bike Racer in the Universe!!!!!!!

A Series of Unfortunate Events (for the yellow devil with Syringes)


Here's how it went down: Idiot Freak man dressed in a yellow devil costume, holding a trident with syringes attached to the points was messing with the peloton. He was jabbing at them, stumbling into their paths, and basically making a major nuisance of himself. Not to mention the fact that if the idiot had tripped or something he could have taken out the entire peloton.

In the pic above; notice the Astana rider (LA) slowly approaching the flippin re re.



Next, Lance comes alongside idiot yellow devil retardo. and gives him a good shove. Is it just me or does the dude look slightly mentally impaired? The devil- not Lance so much.


Yellow Moron Syringe Carrying Devil Idiot ends up caving to the powerful forces of Sir Lance and plants his behind and his syringes into a snow bank. 

I'm sorry- this is probably the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time. Note to readers/fans: Go to races- cheer for your boys, but stay the hell out of the way!

Thanks Ilaria!

I missed the DZ pretending to lick an ice cream cone metaphorical communication to his fangirls from the start of yesterday's TT start in the 2009 Tour of California. Tell me DZ is not super cool and I will come over there and bonk you on the head!


DZ's Finish in Stage 6 ToC TT

Just look at his face. He's an animal!


Friday, February 20, 2009

Can Basso Hang Without the Dope???????

Ivan Basso (Liquigas) submitted the following on Twitter after missing his start at today's TT in the 2009 TOC 2-20-09 Solvang:

"I can't continue the ToC, I hit my knee on the handlebar, tried to warm up for the TT, but too much pain. I'm sad but I need to stop..."

Stop what Mr. Basso? Cycling or doping? Afraid of the whiz quiz/blood tests? I hear they have a good rehab called something like...... The Betty Ford Clinic. Might want to check it out dude.

Man- I can't believe how mean spirited I am.

Many congrats to Captain America!! Really cute shots of DZ with baby Z. on the podium. Baby Z. had the stars and stripes on while he drooled on dad. :) 

I like this pic of DZ and congrats to Tomi P.!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Kim Kirchen Broken Collarbone- Oscar Freire also injured

Bad crash during Stage 4 of the 2009 Tour of California leaves Kim Kirchen (Columbia) with a broken collarbone, and Oscar Freire (Rabobank) with a serious gash in his leg and maybe broken ribs? Not sure of Oscar's injuries. Do know that docs hope Kim will be able to ride in the TdF. Best wishes for speedy recoveries for both riders!


Continuation of credit where credit is due and why I don't recycle...

So, I spent the afternoon uploading, downloading, sideloading, importing, exporting and finally came up with this clip of Lance elbowing an idiot, with a trident and syringes attached to the points, into a snow bank. Sir Lance went up a couple of points with me after this maneuver. Thank you Lance. Now please go after that idiot chick they have doing interviews on Versus. 



Credit where credit is due


So  yesterday was stage 4 of the TOC. Many exciting moments including the "by a tire" sprint finish where Cav just barely beat Tommeke. Cav gave the victory arms up and then was like "Holy shit! Where'd he come from?" They had to replay it- it was that close.

My sympathies go out to Kim Kirchen (Columbia) and Oscar Freire (Rabobank) who both crashed big time. Looks like a collarbone break or dislocation for Kim. You could see his shoulder hanging down. Oscar seemed to have a bad cut on his knee and was holding his chest- possibly some broken ribs. Loyd Flanders-Ouch- was also involved in the crash. Afterwards when he rejoined the peloton, you could see he was quite angry. How dare anyone mess with his time.

Christian VdV also hit pave. Looks like a knee injury, but he rejoined the peloton so I hope he's OK. Saw him with the medical car, but he finished. Fingers crossed here.

Now here is where I give credit where credit is due. The last climb of the day was Crane Valley Road. There were many many psychofans/hecklers. Antler man was there without his flag, but he actually ran in the middle of the road and screwed up the whole peloton as they tried to avoid being impaled by one of his antlers.

There were devils, grim reapers, half nekkid people running all over the place, making for a very dangerous ride for our boys. I apologize in advance for my countrymens' idiocy. Anywho, one of these dim bulbs was wearing a grim reaper type of outfit and had a trident with syringes on each tip. His poster said "Live Clean." Well this poster child for abortions was sticking his trident at the riders, running along amongst them and generally wreaking havoc and mayhem. Can you wreak mayhem?

So, after watching this for about 5-10 minutes the man with one testicle kicked the dude off the road and into the ditch. You guessed it-- Sir Lance. Now I still think he should have not unretired. Still think he's an arrogant prick. BUT- kicking that a-hole off the road did raise my estimation of the holy one just a hair. 

Versus didn't show this it was on cycling.tv with Marty and Maggy. I'm trying to find a picture. If anyone finds one- send it this way. I am going to have to watch that stage again. I'll try to record it for you guys. Classic!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My thoughts go out to.......

Kim Kirchen and Oscar Freire. May they heal quickly and completely.

Lance Fans


I am going to view this from an anthropologic point of view (photo by Devich BTW)

Your typical Lance Fan:
  1. Feels the needs to cover his balls with a piece of yellow and/or black poster paper
  2. Has to have the arrogant chin up pose
  3. Wears skunk wig over shaved head (head is shaved to honor chemo patients)
  4. Spray paints his chest yellow for that jaundiced look
  5. Apparently think that duct tape coming off will be as easy as duct tape going on
Fer real- More power to you Lance- if you can keep these jamokes off the streets (where they try to buy X and oxycontin, but are usually laughed at by drug dealers) and get them on your bandwagon- who knows- the possibilities are endless. 

On another note: Poor Cav.......heehee. Where the hell was he when Renshaw was trying to bring him up to the front for yesterday's spring finish? Bitch talking with a RR Rider- that's what I say. Cervelo TT's leadout was a thing of beauty that brought the god of thunder to victory. Hail to the god of thunder!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Lance.......


Now I know this isn't the easiest photo to see this from, but Lance Armstrong's cap (under his yellow helmet) says Mellow Johnny's Bike Shop. 

I brought this up to someone like this: "HEY! WTF? How come Sir Lance gets to shill for his bike shop while all the other guys have to wear their team kits exclusively?"

The response I got was: "But he had cancer."

This is the response I typically get when I am blah blubbedy blahing on the topic of Lance and why I think he should not have come back. OK- I will let him wear the Livestrong shit, bracelets and whatnot, but come on! Even if his cap said "fight Cancer" or something- I could live with that.

 If any other rider was sporting a cap that clearly is an ad for his own bike shop the UCI probably would have pulled him and given him a stern talking to. And then tested his urine, blood, feces, hair follicles, and possibly done a biopsy on his big toe or something.

But no! Not Lance----because he had cancer. (and won 7 TdFs)

The C word apparently takes all the rules and regs, crumples them up into a big ball and proceeds to throw them into a large container with Haz Mat logo on the side which will then be dumped into San Francisco Bay. 

I suppose it's a little thing- back to the subject of the Mellow Johnny's Bike Shop Hat- in the overall scheme of the universe, but just for once I'd like to see an official go up to Sir L and rip him a new a-hole while ripping the Mellow Johnny's Bike Shop cap off of his large arrogant head. 

BTW- I just finished stripping and spray painting Lance's TT bike. shhhhhh! It's now a fixed gear with fenders, racks, a bell and is Safety orange. I will be posting it on Ebay later today.

I really need to stop hatin'

Monday, February 16, 2009

Tom Peterson- ARGYLE ARMADA! and more unanswered questions



Argyle Guy Tom Peterson takes stage 2 of the Amgen Tour of Cali. GO TOMMY! Fellow Argyle guy Steve Cozza wasn't too shabby either as he stayed in the lead group of 10 throughout the race.


  1. How come whenever they mention Tim Johnson- they never say "OMG this dude is like a totally awesome cyclocross dude?"
  2. How come they're all wearing those boring gray rain capes? The only team that had the smarts to put their name on the capes is AG2R. Anyone know the brand those gray capes RR is using are?
  3. Paul Sherwinism of the day: "There's horses for courses." Up there with the Liggittism: "Argy Bargy." Anyone want to start an encyclopedia/dictionary of Phil/Paulisms with me. I really think we could find a market. Oh and "Bizoi Naturale"is good too...heehee. pee break
  4. Still not happy with visuals. Yeah yeah there's clouds in the mountain, but that's where I want to see the guys! Instead I get to see waves and the finish line. Why didn't they hire a 'Nam Vet helicopter Pilot? He wouldn't have been afraid of a few clouds! He also could have shot little rockets at the dudes at the back of the peloton, just to kinda get them going again.
  5. Why did Andy and Frank take off their rain capes right before a torrential downpour?
  6. Who's the idiot chick they had interviewing Tom Zirbel? Is she supposed to be some kind of comedian? 
  7. I love Bob Roll. Do You?
  8.  Why does Sansen call Sven Nys Grendel? Does she mean the mean Grendel of the original Beowulf, the wimpy Grendel of recent motion pictures, or the neanderthal Grendel of Michael Crichton's Eaters of the Dead? (Awesome Book)


Above: an example of ugly RR gray rain capes.

If you were a director sportif what would you do?????


So- how good is Mancebo at Time Trialing? Are the big boys going to attack today? Or will they let the Rock Racing Cadillacs continue to splash water all over the cameraman. Oh yeah and why the hell is there like only one camera man anyway? And Arnold Schwarzenegger looks really old. And Andy Schleck got BYR yesterday and is 18 in the GC! But his time is like 1.20 which is doable right? especially with some mountains coming up. And is Frank sick or what? I hear Carlos has the flu and we all know Fab Fab left for Switzerland cuz of the flu. Or did he really just come to win the prologue? And will the other teams let RR defend all week and then squash them? Oh yeah- just saw the weather- it's raining in the WHOLE FLIPPIN' STATE OF CALIFORNIA TODAY!

What would you do if you were a Director Sportif????? If I were a European Racer (Or an American used to racing in Europe- where things seem to make more sense cycling-wise) I'd be wicked pissed at the lack or organization and communication exhibited in yesterday's stage. WTF? They changed the timing for the GC classification when the dudes were coming off the mountain. Johan Bruyneel is pissed and I don't blame him!

I imagine some of these dudes won't be coming back to cali next year. We should call the Terminator and get this shit sorted out.

OMG- so many unanswered questions!

Above is the profile for today's stage, Saulsalito to Santa Cruz.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

FAB TAKES PROLOGUE!


His time was 2 1/2 seconds from 2nd place Creepy Levi. It was a great race! Helen and I were biting our nails. VdV took 22nd- not bad at all IMHO. What kind of sucked was when Lancy boy took off they basically dissed Boonen and other awesome dudes insofar as visuals. 

1. Fab Fab (sporting rock star gold Oakleys)
2. Creepy guy
3. DZ's Nuts
4. Mick Rogers
5. God of Thunder
6.  Big George!
7. Tommeke of the lovely ass
8. Mark Renshaw
9. Svein Tuft
10. Sir Lance

Woot! 2 Garmin guys in top 10! TTT is lookin' good except for the fact that Tom Peterson missed his start time. WTF? Tyler Farrar came in a strong 14th!

Frank and Andy didn't look so hot today, but this is just the beginning! It's going to be an awesome tour!

Beat the Brains T of C 08

Friday, February 13, 2009

Those Bastards

Guess what? cycling.tv will be broadcasting the Tour of California for FREE! Good news for everyone who didn't get suckered into buying the premier package (like me.)

Enjoy and join me in the fangirl chat room during the Tour to comment on how our boys are looking.

DZ OR FAB FAB FOR THE PROLOGUE?


OK- So the Tour of California starts tomorrow with the prologue. My money is on Fabulous Fabian or DZ. What do you guys think? I also want to know why Fabian is holding a space age oscillating fan in the pic above.



Is DZ cool or what? Even if he does have mental issues.



You know I love VdV, but I don't think he's out to win the TdC. Yes, as Sansen says, he is high on life right now what with new baby Madeline, however his focus is the Tour de F and I'm here to tell you he will podium and Lancy Pants will not.



Above are some of the contenders for the Amgen Tour of California, which begins tomorrow at 12:00 PST. Why is Sexy Bank conspicuously absent in this picture? I need a Jens FA Voigt fix- God I wish I was going out there. Anywho, I don't know, I think Sir Lance will get his ass kicked. Levi, Andy or possibly Ivan will win it. 


Why does Christian look so sad in this pic. Betcha he misses the new fam. Wait! He's sitting next to creepy guy Levi. That would probably harsh your buzz big time.

Can't wait til tomorrow for all of the fun to begin. Thank you cycling.tv for allowing me to pay you a lot of money in order to watch my boys and to continue to provide you, my lovely reader(s) with much non-factual gibberish!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Who will win the Tour of California?

Take Poll on Right Please:

  1. Sir Lancelot of the Kingdom of Texas: He of the large ego and 7 TdF wins?
  2. Baby Schleck: Best Young Rider of the 2008 TdF as well as the best bike racer in the WHOLE FLIPPIN' UNIVERSE?
  3. Levi (Yawn) Leipheimer: whatever......
  4. Big George Hincapie: It would be nice to see, but I really think he's saving himself for Roubaix?
  5. Christian (totally awesome) Vande Velde: Again, it would be nice, but I know he's focused on the Giro and the Tour (not to mention the new baby that has to be poppin' right about now.)?
  6. Floyd Landis: Please god no!

Oh yeah- and whoever voted for Sir Lance in the last poll- SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!

Maggie's Workout Tips

Will someone please send me some DZ Nuts???????? My ass is killing me!!!!

Also, anyone who wants to meet up in the fan girl chat room during the Tour of California, let me know. It kicks off with a crit on Saturday, February 14, 2009 at noon California time.


Monday, February 2, 2009

OMG! Woot! I HAVE to go to California!


Andy Schleck of Team Saxo Bank will open his season at the Tour of California. Schleck, who finished twelfth at the 2008 Tour de France and won the young rider's classification, will also ride Paris-Nice, Milano-San Remo, and Critérium International as preparation for his first main objective of the season in the Ardennes. Last year, Schleck played the race-maker at Liège-Bastogne-Liège and finished fourth in Ans. After Liège, Schleck will turn his full attention to preparing for the Tour de France, where he will compete for the general classification. En route to the Tour he will ride his home stage race, the Tour of Luxembourg and the Tour de Suisse. Next week, Team Saxo Bank will pay a visit to Solvang, the Danish-style town in California, for a training camp. Here at the Gossip World Headquarters we wish them many sunshiny days.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can someone start a fund or something to get me my ticket to Cal?????? C'mon Sansen, Let's go!!!!!

OH YEAH! Who is doing all the sandbag voting for Sir Lancelot? For shame! 

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Niels Albert Rocks

Marianne Vos: The Cadel Evans of Women's Cycling


Marianne Vos (Above Center) proved to be the wheelsucking female equivalent of Cadel "Cuddles" Evans at today's Cyclocross World Championships. Yes, the manner in which she won was legal, BUT WAS IT RIGHT??!!

Katie Compton (above right) took 3d after having 12 seconds over the next rider after the end of lap 3.  She busted her behind. Then Hanka Kupfernagel (hee hee - sorry I love that name- sounds like she should be a muppet- above left) caught up with Katie and they were full throttle. Hanka didn't really want to take the lead, but she recognized the certain niceties that are followed by some in cycling and pulled her weight at the front for a bit.

THEN VOS SHOWS UP WITH THE OTHER TWO AND I START GETTING PISSED. 

Vos wheelsucked her way to victory with Compton and Kupfernagel taking turns at the front. Both slowed practically to a crawl (an engraved invite to Vos- saying "Yo- your turn girlfriend!" Vos ignored them and cheerfully attached herself to their wheels and was dragged along to the final spring where beat Kupfernagel by .01 sec and Compton by .02.

I'm sorry- that kind of a win just ticks me off. You could tell the other two were trying not to smack her at the following press conference and on the podium. Look at the picture above. Do either of the women on the outside look like they plan on hanging with Marianne any time soon. The answer is no flippin' way!

Anyway, I have to wait for Jon to come home to watch the men's race. It's totally awesome- we have our new big old flat screen HD TV wired into Cycling.tv. Totally Rocks! Can't wait til Tour of California and Paris-Roubaix!

Who Rocks More?



Here is the question I am putting to you today, dear reader. Who Rocks More? Your selections include 1) the little kid (above) with the vehicle Lance will be using to get from point to point during his races this year. The little kid will be Lance's body guard during racing season.


2) Lance himself


3) A total Bike Nerd riding a chalk bicycle


4) The large pink Bunny

You decide! Poll at right.