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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Walking World Rocked by Doping Scandal!!!!

The walking world has taken 3 steps backwards in the wake of a doping scandal. 

On September 23, 2008 5 Russian walkers including world record holder Sergei Morozov have been suspended for two years for doping!

In  statement through his spokesperson, Morozov says, "Have you ever tried to walk 20K? It is not easy, you know! Especially when you have to start up those gentle inclines. Doping was the only way to keep one step ahead of the pack."

Even more shocking; 7 Russian women walkers are provisionally suspended for allegedly "manipulating" urine samples. According to a source who wants to remain confidential, "We were just taking a pregnancy test! We had a pact that we all wanted to be impregnated by Samuel Sanchez while in the Olympic Village. We were passing around the sticks to see if there was a plus sign or a minus sign and we got mixed up, that's all. There was no deliberate manipulation there!"

The IOC has decided to put it's foot down and is taking "steps" to end the purge or doping walkers. Says Thomas Bach, "I am just so tired of trying to talk to these guys! Whenever I get close, they take off! But their little tushies look good as they speed away from me."

Walking is a physiologically draining event in which the competitors....well.....walk. EPO can give one that little burst of speed he/she needs for the final...errmm....sprint?  at the end of the race. 

This is just one more bit of bad news for a sport that has been continually plagued by doping scandals. "Just when walking was beginning to move forward, and regain some much needed credibility, this happens. Terrible!" says Matt McSuede the head of the United Walkers Internationale.


Nic80 said...

Shoot 'em ;)

Helen said...

Which one of them successfully got impregnated by Sammy? :P

Walking's tough you know, the IOC should cut them some slack.

Nic80 said...

Because I have nothing better to do with my time I just did a quick search on doping in general. Just in this last week there were doping 'scandals' in: sailing, basketball, cricket, skiing, horse racing, weightlifting, sprinting, and, of course, cycling. And that was just the first 2 pages of results. So, if we are going to be fair to everyone, we should just exterminate all athletes, to make sure that no-one is cheating.

Sasha said...

It's a nice 'article' =) We just should abolish the Olympics... And as I said before, I'll never understand the sense of race-walking.

sansen said...

Those race walkers, er, walk as if they need to get to the nearest toilet or else.