Whose Gloucester video is better?

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Top 10 Rider Hairstyles

Pippo sporting Oakleys, a new dye job, and perhaps a bit of a straightener?

Sebastien Rosseler with what looks like a "high and tight."

According to Cycle Sport America, November, 2008; the following list is "bad biker hairdos." You can make of that title what you will. Are these bad boys? or boys with bad hair? Whatever you do- don't shoot the messenger.

  1. "Fabian Cancellara's Bouffant- How does the world's best TT rider get such volume? Can the rumors be true? Does fab Fab really wear his TT helmet indoors to prevent his hair from going flat?
  2. Dave Zabriskie's 'tache- DZ gets all the credit, but apparently inspiration came from his teammate, Cozza. No doubt he wants it to look porn star chic but we reckon it betrays a hitherto unseen sensible side to Mr. Z. Does he actually go home, pull on some ironed beige pants and slippers and read the newspaper of an evening?
  3. Stefan Schumacher's Dome- Just get a duster, a can of ordinary furniture polish, a quick bugg in front of the mirror and your Schumi look is complete. Other riders need sunglasses for the glare.
  4. Bradley Wiggins's Mod Look- There was almost no outrage in the British Cycling camp at the Olympics when Brad offered to trim his Paul Weller tribute barnet and sideburns because of fears it would cause his head to overheat in the pursuit. Now the games are over, the hair is growing again and Brad can break out his collection of nearly 1,000 pristine Fred Polly polo shirts ** this may not be true.
  5. Peter Wrolich's Bubble Perm- At the start of the Tour de France stages, even Frenchy yokels with missing teeth and wonky, hick-style hair stop and stare at Wrolich's afro.
  6. Fabian Wegmann's Bleached Spikes- What's the betting that when Fabian was 12, he begged to be allowed to spike and dye his hair, only to be told no, no, a thousand times no. Tortured by those mumsy words:"But you've got lovely hair, why do you want to ruin it?" he headed to the salon by himself and implored the stylists to do their worst. More than a decade later and he still looks the same.
  7. Vladimir Karpet's Mullet- It's just too easy to make fun of Vlad's mullet. A haircut that betrays the fact that he was 9 when the Berlin Wall came down. He was at a vulnerable age when he would have first been exposed to proper Heavy Metal. Perhaps we should be grateful he didn't opt for a poodle cut. Or go for the dreadful mullet and spiky hair combo that Erik Zabel was doing back in the mid '90s.
  8. Sebastien Rosseler's "Dolph Lundgren" Squaretop- When you've got a squarish head in the first place, you probably want to draw attention away from the fact. This makes Rosseler's blonde cube a very peculiar choice, unless he's trying to look like a Swedish action hero playing a Russian bloke in a Rocky film.
  9. Filippo Pozzato's Eurotrash Ringlets- Even when the sun is shining, Pozzato's hair makes it look like he just stepped out of a rain storm. The loose perm and highlights try to exude easy charm, but end up looking manufactured and sleazy. All he needs is a pale pink vest, a pair of Espadrilles and an eye for the ladies. Well he's certainly working on the last of these.
  10. Franco Pellizotti's Bird's Nest- Pellizotti's greatest achievements are finishing in the top 10 in the Giro and allowing a family of housemartins to take up residence in his hair."


sansen said...

Eurotrash Ringlets

That would be an awesomely awesome badass band name.

Helen said...

I have to agree with Sansen.
Yay for Fabian being number one. Do i take it our previous copy of cyclesport has reached the US?

sansen said...

They were mocking our Fabian in their jealousy!

Maggie said...

I think that would be a great band name as well.

Helen, hate to burst your bubble, but I have to agree with Sansen on this one. The article is saying that fab Fab is numero uno for bad hair.

bridget said...

This is an outrage! Fabian's wavy locks are beautiful!

Sasha said...

agree with bridget...

Maggie said...

I also agree, but apparently the author of this nonsense does not.

Helen said...

Damn the mocking. I don't really take much of what cyclesport say seriously. They're very anti-Valv which obviously puts us on bad terms straight away :P