The UCI has introduced the "biological passport scheme" and those anxious for results JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT! says Anne Gripper, head of the UCI's anti-doping team.
In an interview with Cycling Weekly, Gripper says that the new biological passport will require all pro riders to carry a bag of blood (like the one seen above) at ALL TIMES!
Gripper was unable to answer questions such as: "where would a customs official stamp a blood bag?" and "Isn't it kind of scary to be carrying blood around? Won't the cyclists be mistaken for vampires and have stakes hammered through their hearts or be shot with silver bullets?"
Gripper's response was that the UCI is still working out such technicalities with the program.
When asked who will analyze the data, Gripper responded that, "We have trained a team of monkeys to run the tests- their handlers are confident that the monkeys are 99.9% accurate in their analysis results. Although they do tend to throw shit at Mr. McQuaid a lot."