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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tempers and Anger Outbursts During le Tour: Past, Present and Future: Or Why Andy Schleck is a Pretty Nice Guy

Bernard Hinault and his Victim (2008)

In this entry I have tried to conduct and analyze some serious quantitative and qualitative data regarding anger outbursts of big name Tour contenders and winners from the past and present; while taking into consideration Andy Schleck's youth and lack of history I will try to make a prediction as to his future anger levels. 

Anger levels will be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being a really sweet guy and say 8.5 for when Cadel Evans punched the guy who tried to touch his Credit Lyonnaise Lion. 

As you will always find in this blog; my findings will be fair, balanced, and unbiased.

Andy Schleck

(Note: Because Andy has such a short history I will automatically add 2 points to his total-- As always this blog presents fair and balanced truth with some fiction thrown in now and again.)
  1. Honest to Goodness: I can find nothing on this kid! He is just a nice guy all around. :)
  2. Another reason why Andy Rocks and Cadel does not.
Total: 2/10 (We all know this heavily weighted in an attempt to make Cadel look better.)

Bernard Hinault
  1. His demeanor and gritty facial expressions earned him the nickname "The Badger." 1.5/10
  2. Hinault was a brave exciting all-rounder with an infamously short temper. 3/10
  3. Bernard Hinault Tackles, Eats Protester - HOLY COW! Cannibalism is obviously a 20/10
  4. Hinault betrays teammate Greg LeMond in 1986. Team betrayal is up there in my book. 10/10.
  5. Hinault delivered a straight left to a striking shipyard worker who blocked the route of a spring race. I am trying to locate a picture of this To me this is assault hence 10/10
Total: 9.1/10 on the Angerometer. Cannibalism had to be double points. 

Greg LeMond
  1. LeMonde had heated words for Hinault when the race came back together. 1/10
  2. Told Hinault "Do you want me to punch you in the face?" after he found out that his team lied to him about how far back Hinault was. I see this remark as an appropriate response to a bunch of jerks. 1/10
  3. Don't know if this is paranoia or anger, but here is Greg trash talking Lance Armstrong: " He threatened my wife, my business, my life," LeMonde told the newspaper. "His biggest threat consisted of saying he would find 10 people to testify that I took EPO. Of course, he didn't find a single one." 
        1/10  This finding could be disputed, as I can't really distinguish the delusional tendencies          from the paranoia and anger. Feel free to voice your opinion.
       Total: 1/10 on the Anger-ometer

Cadel Evans
  1. Head butts cameraman. 4.5/10 Cameraman was probably a jerk anyway.
  2. Slaps reporter. 10/10 Again, when we get physical we are talking assault which is an automatic 10 on the Angerometer.
  3. Threatens spectator: "Touch my dog and I'll cut off your head." Automatic 10/10 when the threat is decapitation. 
(Note: I really think this guy is Bi-Polar or something. Watch some of these weird ass interviews. He's all nice and giggly and then he turns into a flippin' Tasmanian Devil. Don't let your fingers get too close to his mouth! You might taste like chicken to Cadel.)

Total: 8.2 on the Anger-ometer

Lance Armstrong
  1. 2002 Tour de France leader has nothing but contempt for the French police investigation of his USPS team. (They were investigating for doping) Contempt isn't really the same as anger so let's say....2/10
  2. Described as an "aloof, arrogant perfectionist." Type A personality is an automatic 2/10 on the Angerometer
  3. Rides are fueled by anger from a troubled childhood? He was brought up by a single mother. Nothing new here in the States, but does tend to screw kids up. 5/10
Total: 3/10 on the Anger-ometer

In summary, basically Andy Schleck is a sweet kid, Bernard Hinault and Cadel Evans are cuckoo and Lance and Greg are probably about average.

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