Whose Gloucester video is better?

Sunday, July 22, 2012


                         Frank (apparently eats a fish from Frandy's fishing pond) Dood! If you put that in your             mouth serious questions might arise from what else you have ingested. Aren't you cyclists pretty keen on what you put in to your bodies??


I Would be remiss if I did not re-post this. Frankie... all I can say is you better be clean. Anybody else think the sabotage to anyone associated with Dr. Bruyneel is more than coincidence? OMG! I sound like ~The Truth~ (see below for a mega thesaurus truth update on Ivan Basso. Truth---I love ya, but you are as crazy as a shit house rat.


 

Now here's ~The Truth~

Truth- I gotta say it you have issues.

My apologies for not posting on the blog sooner. Please, let me explain. As much as I hate garrulous antagonists, I hate Ivan Basso even more, especially when he tries to corrupt our youth. As you read this post, bear in mind that there are many points of general dissatisfaction and dispute that should not, on any account, be overlooked in the discussion of the subjects here presented. One of these is that my cause is to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that the last time I told Basso's rank-and-file followers that I want to get my message about Basso out to the world they declared in response, "But Basso's beliefs are our final line of defense against tyrrany." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant.

Basso has been selling otherwise perfectly reasonable people the idée fixe that he is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. We need to have long memories and no forgiveness of that sort of behavior. Instead, we must fight scurrility and slander. This is not to say that his idea of a good time is to acquire power and use it to indoctrinate unmannerly rotters. It is merely to point out that if he feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing him, then that's just too darn bad. Basso's arrogance has brought this upon himself.

Basso has announced his intentions to destabilize the already volatile social fabric that he purportedly aims to save. While doing so may earn Basso a gold star from the mush-for-brains irrationalism crowd, his bedfellows have been running around recently trying to lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction. Meanwhile, Basso has been preparing to encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance. The whole episode smacks of a carefully orchestrated operation. If you ask me, Basso claims that society will benefit if he goes ahead with his plan to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. That's like pulling up a plant to see how the roots are doing. It also proves that Basso is oblivious to the fact that he seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that Basso's prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse.

The irony is that Basso's most damnable cop-outs are also his most short-sighted. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent." Who among you reading these words is not moved to reveal some shocking facts about Basso's magic-bullet explanations? Even when Basso isn't lying, he's using facts, emphasizing facts, bearing down on facts, sliding off facts, quietly ignoring facts, and, above all, interpreting facts in a way that will enable him to force us to adopt rigid social roles that compromise our inner code of ethics. Before I continue, let me state that in order to solve the big problems with him we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering.

Am I the only one who makes that observation? Of course not. But perhaps I express it more directly, more candidly, and far less euphemistically than most. I shall not argue that Basso's newsgroup postings are an authentic map of his plan to renege on an incredibly large number of promises. Read them and see for yourself. To close, let me accentuate that if we shoo Ivan Basso away like the annoying bug that he is we shall not only survive Basso's attacks; we shall prevail.

~The Truth~

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Monday, October 3, 2011

Video Contest GP Gloucester


Ted King demonstrates his awesome Cyclocross Form.
Check out his "How-To Guide: Prepare for and Ride Cyclocross."

Fer real- want your opinion. Whose video is better?

1. My awesome, shaky video of Liquigas Ted King @iamtedking (twitter handle) grabbing beers and snatching up dollar bills on the stairs.




OR:

2. East Coast Velo's (ECV) Overproduced slide show with kind of lame music. Put on Your Sailing Shoes........For God's sake?



Please vote up top. Whose video is better? Mine or ECS's?
Thank you for your patronage of Andy Schleck Best Bike Racer in the Universe.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Public Service Announcement


This is your leg..........




This is George Hincapie's leg on drugs..........




Any questions??????????? Disclaimer: We are not saying that Big George is currently on or using any prohibited, performance enhancing substances, blood doping, or eating Spanish beef. Just that maybe in the past he might have been slipped a little sumpin' sumpin' while at parties in a certain Texan's apartment. Ask Tyler Hamilton. Hindsight is 20/20 ain't it?

PS:Mucho congratulations to Team Leopard Trek on the TTT win in the Vuelta yesterday!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Cadel- Afraid of thunder, and Schlecks

Even with Carbon Oakleys this is one ugly dood!

OK folks, let me preface this with the following: Cadel won the Tour fair and square, he did a great job and he definitely earned it. There..... now onto business.

Cadel is most definitely not happy with BMC's recent acquisition, Thor Husholvd. Cadel Evans Warns Thor Hushovd to SHOVE OFF!!!!!!! I thought I had begun to see the "kinder, gentler" Cadel in the 2011 Tour. Not to be. His irritating paranoia and grating personality has come to the forefront yet again. You'd think he'd like a teammate to wear yellow for a while. Takes the pressure of those pre/post race interviews (where he is always sooooo awkward- and sometimes violent) off of the squeaky voiced Aussie dingo eating baby. But noooooooooooo, Cadel gets all ramped up about having Thor on the team. See below for part one of an EXCLUSIVE series of interviews that Andy Schleck Best Bike Racer in the Universe Blog has obtained with little Cuddles.

I hadn't realized the tension between Mr. Shaved Sideburns Vaughters and The God of Thunder was building ever since 2011 Paris Roubaix when Thor was stuck in the group with Fabulous Cancellara, behind Johan Van Summeren; and JV (understandably) wouldn't let Thor chase his teammate down. Bad blood and grudges have apparently been a factor between Thor and the Argyle's fearless leader ever since.

Back to Cadel-- The Herald Sun says, "Evans' uncompromising attitude relates to his troubled stint at Belgian team Lotto, where the support was split between him and fellow Australian Robbie McEwen, a superstar sprinter who won 12 stages of the Tour. Eventually the situation became untenable and both left the team within a year of each other."

Translated that says-- Cadel became unbearable for everyone remotely related to him within Team Lotto and they told him to bugger off or they would stick him in the luggage compartment of the Team bus.

My point here is this: GET OVER IT CADEL YOU BIG CRYBABY!

On to the USA Pro Cycling Challenge-- Cadel is downplaying what he might be able to do at this particular race. He's blaming it on alcohol (I mean altitude,) travel and fact that both Schleckettes will be there. See it's like this; altitude does not effect the best bike racer in the universe. Andy can ride in zero gravity so the uphill Time Trial at USAPCC is definitely going to work in his favor. (He really does need to work on his celestial TT skills though.)

EXTRA EXTRA!!!! ANDY SCHLECK BEST BIKE RACER IN THE UNIVERSE BLOG GETS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CADEL EVANS RE: THOR, SCHLECKS, AND CUTTING OFF HEADS.

PART ONE OF..............

CLICK HERE FOR INTERVIEW! Yes we know that Cadel sounds like a badly played Monty Python character. It is what it is.








Sunday, July 24, 2011

Best Bike Racer in Universe.....not necessarily in France

Above: Just a quick reminder of "old Cadel" He still needs someone to shave that dern unibrow.


Above: the Schleck brothers tower over the squeaky voiced Aussie despite the lower steps on the podium. This is attributed to the fact that while being raised by wild dingoes in the outback; Cadel survived on babies stolen from Ayers Rock and vegemite sandwiches; stunting his physical growth and leaving him woefully unprepared for any kind of human interaction.

First and foremost I would like to emphasize that this blog has always been and will always maintain that Andy Schleck IS the best bike racer in the “universe.” Being the best celestial cyclist does not necessarily mean that one is automatically the best cyclist in say…….France………..in........ for example, …….the first three weeks of July. That being said; let's examine this year's le Tour.




So, Cuddles rides into gay Paris on his black BMC bike. NOT the pretty yellow bike that most NORMAL maillot jaunes use as their primary ride while donning yellow. It's been said the reason was that Cadel was superstitious and wanted to keep using the bike he pedaled through most of the Tour. There are several questions I have about this so called "superstition."

First of all Cadel rides for BMC, a Swiss company. Now when was the last time you ever heard of anything of quality made in Switzerland????? Oh yeah besides those watches and knives. Here's what I say, and remember all that I post is based on absolutely rock solid non-facts and wild suppositions. BMC stands for BICYCLE MOTOR COMBINATION!!!!! Thus, of course Cadel wants to keep using the same machine. It served him well except for that one time on the Galibier day where the mechanics forgot to gas it up. He tried to pretend his wheel was out of true, but really..............? Also, how easy would it be for the team car to to pass up bottles of petrol with unsuspecting refs thinking said bottles were full of water???????

Riders near Cadel in the peloton had been complaining for weeks about the fumes, which were first attributed to the camera motos. When that avenue had been examined and dismissed, Cadel used a clever subterfuge. He claimed that his nerves had given him a bad case of the farts. Think about it........Cadel is a known wheel sucker......he uses this to his advantage by telling other riders he's doing it as a courtesy because "CRIKEY You do NOT want to smell that, mate!"




Above: AWKWARD!

Did you happen to notice how Cadel attacked Andy on the podium? What's up with that????? Let's not forget Cadel's violent nature that first came to public light in the 2008 Tour de France where among other things he : attacked a cameraman, elbowed a kid who just wanted to pet his lion, and chucked his helmet at a journalist. Not to mention the famous "Don't touch me!" incident below.





Above: Andy Schleck 2004 Tour of Georgia.
The year I learned about him and his universal bike riding!
Look at how cute and likable he is!





Above: Andy powers up Galibier

Some say Andy is destined to be the new Joop Zoetemelk; who came in 2nd in the TdF like a zillion times and won it one time. To you people I say this: "I BLOW MY NOSE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!!" This Luxembourgish Leopard is only 26 years old while cuddles is 34. Cadel is officially, you heard it here first, THE NEW JOOP. Here's the deal...........

Andy is a genuinely likable guy. Cadel.......well.....he's just not. Andy decided in his warm heart and his stomach full of anger to give this year's tour to the prickly Aussie knowing full well that 1) Cadel needed this one win to keep him from abusing fans, reporters etc. and winding up either in jail or the loony bin. And 2) because Andy knows that he will win next year, the year after that, the year after that ad infinitum. Period. End of story.



All kidding aside. Chapeau Cadel. You rode a good race and finally had a decent team to work with. BUT don't think you will ever win again. Andy Schleck will win the next EIGHT TdFs and will break Sir Lancelot's record.

Done.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Best TdF Stream


Live streaming - 4J1fzFFW39JImtK

This is the best English TdF Stream I have found. Go go go Garmin and Leey-o-pard Trek!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Igor "Sleestak" Anton takes Zoncolan


Is it just me or did Euskatel's Igor Anton look suspiciously like a Sleestak from "Land of the Lost?" If he is indeed an alien, can he legally ride in a grand tour? Surprised he did so well in the sun as sleestak's typically like boggy, wet, foggy climes.



Monday, May 9, 2011

Giro D'Italia Stage 3---Cursed






In light of today's tragedy; Wouter Weylandt's of Leopard Trek's loss of life- I'd like to examine the history of Giro D'Italia and specifically Stage 3.





Anyone who saw the live video of Weylandt's crash got that sick feeling in their stomach. The vids were out on youtube for a bit, but were quickly taken down. I for one am glad, because the images were too graphic to be out there for the public, especially considering he has his first child on the way and leaves behind a heartbroken girlfriend, a child who will never know its father, and a devastated team.





Unfortunately I saw the images of Weylandt immediately after the crash on Universal Sports. It was pretty obvious that Wouter was dead at the scene. The folks in charge of the race did not release any details. I am guessing because they were fearful that news of a fatal crash may cause anxiety and result in more crashes on the twisty, technical descents of the final kilometers.




Apparently, from what I have been able to surmise; as Weylandt was in the descent he looked over his left shoulder. Typically a cyclist will tend to drift towardsthe side he is looking- in this case left. On the left were barriers. Weylandt must have clipped a barrier and then his velocity and trajectory sent him flying into what looked like a cliff face/ rock face on the right.





The video I saw showed a rider sprawled motionless on the ground. Wouter's arms and legs were in positions that are not humanly possible. When the camera focused on his face and head I knew it was a fatal crash. His helmet appeared to be embedded into the front of his skull and his face was an unrecognizable, obviously severely broken and traumatized mess. Literally his facial features were not going to be repairable, let alone survivable.





They showed another shot from the heli where Giro Doctors were giving him CPR. But, as one Giro doctor says, "there was nothing we could do for him."





My heartfelt condolences go out to Weyland't family, team and unborn child. The man was 26-years-old and ironically won the 2010 stage 3 of the Giro D'Italia.




Stage 3 of the Giro has also been unlucky if not fatal for other pro cyclists. Christian VandeVelde of Garmin Cervelo crashed out of the third day of the Giro in both 2009 and 2010. This year he decided not to tempt fate and is home in Chicago right now. His hopes are for the TdF. Smart move.




Cyclists who have died in the Giro D'Italia




1952- Orfeo Ponsin RIP


1976 -Juan Manuel Santisteban RIP


1986- Emilio Ravasio RIP


2011- Wouter Weylandt RIP




The race coordinators knew the course was extremely technical and probably anticipated crash(es). Not that I ever could- but you could not pay me enough money to ride the Giro D'Italia. Its organizers do not seem to be concerned enough (in my opinion) about rider safety. Yes, we all want to see a good race, but no one likes seeing riders on the ground with broken bones, broken bikes, or dead.




I imagine the peloton will have some type of memorial during today's stage. In the meantime- Giro coordinators- maybe you want to rethink the unnecessary risks you put the riders in.




RIP Wouter Weylandt

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Lance Armstrong does drugs.....DUH!

"Everybody from the 'hood knows who does drugs........CRACKHEADS!"

This is Flippin' Hilarious!


Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010

USGP Fort Collins Costume Race

Flippin' Hilarious! I love the "39ers!" The gorilla is totally wheel sucking on the bunny!


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