Heaven stage 5 TDF Finish

Heaven... I'm in heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.
And I seem to find the happiness I seek,
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.

Heaven... I'm in heaven,
And the cares that hung around me through the week,
Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak,
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.

Oh, I love to climb a mountain,
And to reach the highest peak.
But it doesn't thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek.

Yes I am happy Voeckler won and here's why-

1. Cav did not win. I wish I could find a picture of the little green leprechaun. His kit was hilarious today. For those of you who care "Green is his yellow." Additionally, gotta love this Cav quote, "If they want to win then they shouldn't race like juniors."
2. This should really be number 1, but I'm too lazy to switch it up. Voeckler deserves it! He stayed in that break from the get go. Chapeau to Voeckler!

2. I always love it when someone in the break wins. It's like a hundred to one I ever get to see that.

3. The French deserved it I guess. I mean, how long has it been since a French dude won a stage of their very own Tour?

4. It's almost Bastille Day which I understand is a very important holiday in Frenchland, so what the hey- throw them some cake and let them eat it.

5. Cav did not win.

Allez Andy! Allez VDV! Allez Alberto!

How bummed was Ben Stiller yesterday?

Could he have been any less enthusiastic? I mean for real. On the podium, Stiller could have been a bit more cordial. IMHO. He's a Lance Lover- what can I say.

Anger Fest 2009!

Well boys and girls, I guess that the other 19 teams and we fangirls and boys should just pack it up and go home. This d-bag....errrr reporter from the SF Chronical says so. From here on it's going to be the Lance show. Dale Robertson wrote this article full of smacky smacktalk. My rants, raves, analysis, cutting wit, and comments will be in ANGRY, SCREAMING CAPITAL LETTERS!

(07-08) 04:00 PDT Montpelier, France -- If you think the Tour de France is only about who wears the yellow jersey on the Champs Elysées on July 26, that all the other weird stuff is just details, then you need to know the race came to a sudden end Tuesday for 19 of the 20 teams after just four days and less than 300 miles of pedaling. (REALLY MR. ROBERTSON? SO IN YOUR INESTIMABLE OPINION WE SHOULD ALL STOP WATCHING? I HATE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BUT THE TOUR AIN'T OVER TIL IT'S OVER! THERE IS A LOT THAT CAN HAPPEN BETWEEN NOW AND THE CHAMPS THAT COULD SERIOUSLY HARSH YOUR LANCE BUZZ AND CAUSE YOUR TESTICLES TO RECEDE INTO YOUR SACROILIAC!)

Yep, c'est tout. That's all, folks. (YOU'RE AN IDIOT!)

The war is over for everybody except Astana, the team of Lance Armstrong, which won Tuesday's team time trial. (THE BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL HAS JUST BEGUN! CONTADOR CAN WIN BECAUSE I LIKE HIM, BUT LANCE?- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!)

Armstrong erased almost all of his 40-second deficit to leader Fabian Cancellara of Switzerland in the fourth stage. (SO DID HIS TEAMMATES MORON!)

So what about Aussie Cadel Evans, second in the last two Tours? He's riding for exercise now. (WELL THAT'S TRUE) Ditto defending champion Carlos Sastre (DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE DUDE!) and the Giro d'Italia winner Denis Menchov.

"We did the maximum," said Armstrong, who's now less than three-tenths of a second out of the yellow jersey for an eighth summer,(AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY, DUDE) a decade after he wore it for the first time.

His Astana mates are lined up in third (Alberto Contador) (EXCUSE ME MR. KNOW IT ALL- CONTADOR IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE TEAM), fourth (Andréas Klöden) and fifth place (Santa Rosa resident Levi Leipheimer) behind him, separated by a mere 38 seconds.

Sorting out which one gets to stand in the middle is going to make for a breathlessly riveting last two weeks. Armstrong, the seven-time winner going for an eighth after returning from a 31/2-year retirement, predicted it's going to come down to who crosses the finish line atop Mont Ventoux July 25, (OH SO EVEN LANCE DOESN'T THINK IT'S OVER! NO SHIT DUMBASS! SO WHO ARE YOU TO CALL IT QUITS NOW. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO COMMENTATING ON BEACH VOLLEYBALL OR SOMETHING?)the day before the ceremonial final ride into Paris.

So he told Contador that Tuesday's mission was total unity(YEAH RIGHT!) and perfect harmony. In other words, forget what had happened Monday (LOOK INTO MY EYES- FORGET MONDAY- FORGET MONDAY- YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO. WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU WILL BE MY SERVANT) - when Armstrong caught his young Astana friend napping and left him choking on his dust. And forget what's about to happen, a certain mano-a-mano battle between the two of them in the Pyrénées mountains.

"My point to Alberto was, 'Let's ride perfect and make this race almost impossible to win for others,' " Armstrong said. "I think we can say we accomplished that. The Tour is finished for some riders. I won't go into names. No disrespect, but it's difficult to make up those times."

Andy and Franck Schlecks(PLEASE AT LEAST DON'T ADVERTISEYOUR IDIOCY BY SPELLING THEIR LAST NAME INCORRECTLY), Cancellara's Saxo Bank teammates, are 1:41 and 2:17 behind. Sastre is at 2:44 and Rabobank's Menchov, who had another almost comically bad day by crashing into a barrier, is at 3:52.

Perhaps if they were chasing only Armstrong or only Contador, maybe a miracle could happen. But the chances that both Armstrong and Contador - never mind Klöden and Leipheimer - will come unglued are slim indeed.

Armstrong leads Contador by 19 seconds, but the issue of the team's leadership remains unsettled nonetheless. Contador, 26, the 2007 Tour winner, is conceding nothing.

Once the hard climbing begins in earnest, Armstrong and Contador can't both be protected by the Astana mates. Who gets protected, plus when and how, is the intriguing challenge confronting Astana strategist Johan Bruyneel going forward.

The unusual circumstances are going to make for some extremely interesting team dinners in the days to come. Armstrong admitted missing out on the yellow was "a little bit of a disappointment" but conceded the team couldn't have executed its game plan any better.

The 37-year-old Armstrong even offered a public apology Tuesday to Sastre and former U.S. Postal Service teammate Christian Vande Velde, who finished fifth last year, for calling the 2008 race outcome "a joke" because of its weakened field.

"I was disrespectful to Carlos Sastre and Christian Vande Velde and guys who were a presence in last year's Tour," Armstrong said. "That was not correct. This is not easy. It won't be easy if I'm lucky enough to win again. (NOW THAT IS CERTAINLY A HALF-ASSED APOLOGY- I'D LIKE TO SEE A BUNCH OF FLOWERS AND MAYBE A CARD ATTACHED TO IT)

"Today, I'm realistic. I've got both feet on the ground. I'm not going to get last, but it won't be like 2004, 2005, 2001. It's going to be a hell of a lot harder than I expected. That's as honest as I can say it."

Riders Unhappy With Tour’s TTT Course | Cyclingnews.com

Riders Unhappy With Tour’s TTT Course | Cyclingnews.com

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Some fine Garmin butts and DZ levitating! WTF??

They kicked ass today! Pun intended.

How does he do that?

It's On!

Whew.....I almost had to pull out the Lance VooDoo doll again. He was this close (as indicated above by Fabulous) to being in yellow today. Please ....if Johan, Levi, Lance and co. keep on saying there is no infighting on the team- I'm here to tell you they are big fat liars!

Look at the picture at the bottom of the pictures and take a good long looky look at the expression on Sir Lancelot's face. Thanks for bringing this to my attention Helen. Then look at the expression on Contadorus Rex's face! "Every picture tells a story- don't it?"

Now for those of you who still think that Andy S. can't TT- all I have to say is shut your piehole! He is currently 20th in the GC with only 4 stages (2 OF WHICH WERE TTs) So nananananana to you. Just wait until they hit the Pyrenees.

Of course I am also delighted that my Argyles kicked ass with a 5 MAN SQUAD in today's TTT! This was not planned. I don't care what anyone says. I've been hearing on the internet chatter that they planned to drop Farrar, Pate, Dean, and Maaskant. That would be way to risky and insane to be planned. My boys are powerhouses though and came steaming through. We now have 4 Garmin guys in top 15! Wiggo, DZ, Millar, and VDV! Go Garmin!

photo: Allen Lim

photo: Cycling News can't find credit

Look at the man in the upper right and then at the man in the bottom left. Analyze, compare, contrast, evaluate. Which one looks pissed off to you? And BTW- does the dude to LA's left look kind of like Rob Lowe or what?

On to the Crashes du jour:

Next, the crashes! They were spectacular and many in what Sir Phil coined "The Australian Corner." Smiley Menchov went down BAM! BBox Kapow! 4 dudes into the ditch. And the incompetent Silence Cadel Team had a nice crash as well. I couldn't embed it because it's in some weird foreign site that I can't figure out, but if you want you can see it on steephill.tv.

Farrar and Dean talk Lead Out

TYLER & JULIAN DISCUSS LEAD OUTS from Nigel Dick on Vimeo.

COME ON GARMIN! WIN TODAY'S TTT!

For Sansen

I want all of you ladies to look at this pic of Sir Phil long and hard before you go to sleep tonight. I know you will love the cyclist tan lines he's sporting. Good god! Not right!

I swears to God Versus has created a new TDF Jersey

OK- so last I checked there were four jerseys up for grabs at le Tour. White- Best Young Rider, Yellow-Overall Leader, Green- Sprinter. All seen above on the lovely Andy, Carlos and Oscarito Freire. Below is the coveted KOM (king of the Mountains) or Polka Dot Jersey. Cool, right? I can wrap my head around this. Precedent has been set, etc, etc.

But NOOOOOOO! Sir Phil, Sir Paul and Versus have invented a 5th Jersey. I call it the Lance Bullseye. I swear to god. Phil just said that the jersey represents the position of Nancy Lancy. OMG! Somebody just shoot me now- please! See Below.

Glad to see VDV is still hanging strong in the GC, as is boy wonder Andy Schleck. Frank the crasher lived up to his reputation in today's stage, but got back on the bike. I hear conflicting reports. He injured his shoulder and he is OK. Which is it? 

Bummed Manx Mouth beat Tyler (awesome argyle) Farrar in the sprint. CSC and Garmin are looking good. My prediction that infighting will begin very soon within Team Astana which will probably break them. Sorry Alberto- you work for a bunch of assholes. Vino was especially obnoxious yesterday. Who is he like the emperor of Kazakhstan or something? 

Anywho- Let me please introduce you to the official Sir Lance TdF Jersey. Think it'll be on the podium every day?

Pic of the day

photo: Allen Lim

Gotta love DZ with his blinders and earbuds on. He's like a flippin horse. All I need to see is a carrot.

 The race is on girls! I believe all of our young velociraptors had a very good showing. You def can't knock Andy boy's impressive 18th in the opening TT. But man it was hard not to concentrate on those twig arms of his. I'm seriously afraid Cuddles might snap one in half. Speaking of Cuddles, he came in 5th...blegh. Looked like he had a bit of a mechanical at the start. Maybe his mechanics can't stand him either and stuck a bananapeel in his ring or something.

The Lance show was certainly impressive. I counted 35 mentions in the first 6 minutes of Versus coverage. Then my head exploded and I felt better. Were there other riders on the course during Lance's TT? The way I figure it is this; he wanted to go first so he could have all day to tweet and give interviews about how it's not about the bike or something. 

Very happy with the Argyles. Wiggo in 3d! Woot!  DZ and DM 13 and 14 respectively and Christian in 17th. I'm here to tell you VDV is going to fly under the radar until the time is ripe. Tomorrow is a sprinter's stage so they say. But looking at the profile there seem to be a few climbs in there that the likes of Mouth from Mann won't like. hee hee.

Here's to Tour de France 2009 and the current Maillot Jeune wearer Fabulous Cancellara!

Garmin is all set up and ready to go!

Photo: Allen Lim this AM via Twitter. May the gods look favorably on this quest of good versus evil. Anyone care to join me in the VDV chatroom at 9ish EST?